Exhaustion (part 1 of 3)

My last chemo treatment kicked my ass. No tip-toeing around it, I got rocked. To date, I have stayed home and rested for a few days after each treatment but usually around the 3rd or 4th day of being at home, I’ve been able to clean up a bit, run a few errands and am generally feeling “okay” if just a little tired.

Not this time. I was on the couch for most of the week. I was tired getting up and walking from my bed to the couch. Standing for more than a few minutes made my muscles hurt. I didn’t answer the phone because talking made me tired. I didn’t go near my email because a.) I would have to walk over to my computer and then sit up and b.) typing made me tired!!! I had to talk myself into getting up to make lunch – it took an hour to convince myself that I could do it.

Let’s face it – we’ve all had those days where we are feeling a bit lazy and don’t want to get off the couch. We say things like “I just can’t get off the couch!”, but in reality, we choose not to get off it. This week I experienced the feeling of actually not being able to get off the couch. It was frustrating, tiring, made me really sad, but I just could not do it.

One point I managed to drag myself off the couch to go run a quick errand – part way through driving I actually thought to myself “this is not safe – I should not be driving right now”…I was that exhausted! (and no wise cracks about my driving abilities the rest of the time please! ;) )

All this lying around on the couch by myself got me feeling really emotional as well. I was sad, miserable, lonely, bored – just really felt frustrated that I had to be lying down for such an extended period. I wanted to go visit people but I couldn’t. I wanted to go for a walk and get some exercise, but I couldn’t. Frustrating!

As always, the feelings passed after a week – but it’s so hard to see through to when you will feel ‘back to normal’ when you are in the midst of everything. I kept telling myself it was only a few more days but it was still so hard to imagine how I would get through those ‘few more days’.

But I did and thankfully only have to experience that one more time!