Many people have been asking me the same questions regarding my surgery, so here is a list of the particulars that I know so far:
Date – Tuesday November 22nd
Location – Mt St. Joseph`s hospital, Vancouver
Surgery – full mastectomy of one breast with a tissue expander put in place. Lift on the non-cancer breast to make sure it matches the other side. Will have to have an additional surgery after the expander is up to full size to remove the expander and insert a permanent implant.
Days in hospital – likely 1 overnight, but could be 1-3 depending on how my recovery goes
Days spent in Vancouver – likely a week. I will likely be there on November 21st, and then leave around November 29th. I have to see my PSurg on Nov 28th to remove the bandages and drains (attached to my incision site) so I think I will head back to Kelowna after that.
Where am I staying – other than my night in the hospital, I do not know yet
Can I have visitors? – Yes please! But do keep in mind I might only be up for short visits – thinking about this already has me super tired!
Am I scared? – very much so.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Vancouver update (part 2 of 2)
Monday morning came around and before heading off to see my surgeon, my Aunt made us a great breakfast. This gave me a bit of time to write out a list of questions to ask during my appointment – get a few things off my mind and add any other questions her or Cayley felt were important.
We first hit up my plastic surgeon’s office. To avoid confusion, I’ll call her the Plastic Surgeon (or PSurg) and my “removal” surgeon can be the “Surgeon”. I needed to sign off on consent forms for the PSurg part of my operation.
We then picked up my Dad and headed to the Surgeon’s office. I have done a lot of waiting in the past 6+ months in a lot of waiting rooms – and most of the time, I don’t mind…unless it’s getting really long, but for the most part, it’s not so bad. But what I find hard sometimes is that people want to talk to me. It depends who is with me, but for the most part, I’m happy to sit there in silence with my thoughts. I don’t want a running conversation – it’s still super hard to process that all this is happening, so to make some small talk often is just too much. Maybe silence makes other people uncomfortable, but right now, I think I just need that small moment of waiting to sort out what I need to.
Anyways, it was my turn to head into the Surgeon’s office and the three of us sat down. The Surgeon wanted to take a look at me so we pulled aside a curtain so she could take a peek. She was asking me a few things during the whole time, but I swear Dad and Cayley thought that curtain drown out their conversation as well…all I could hear was them talking about sports. So if you can imagine, I’m lying on the examination table, the doctor is doing her thing, and I have to stop her mid-sentence and tell the boys to pipe down!
She said she thought the site looked and felt a lot better. Cayley ran through the list of questions I had written down – I just couldn’t bring myself to talk. I could feel tears coming but I tried really hard to hold them at bay, and my silence seemed to be the only way to do it.
I managed to eek out one question and asked her if this (this being a mastectomy) was still the best way to go. Maybe I was hoping we could change it. The finality of it all just seemed way too close. Her opinion was that it’s best to proceed as we don’t want to miss anything and have to go through this again.
I thanked the doctor, told her I’d see her on the 22nd, and left to head home to Kelowna. I cried the whole way to Abbotsford. Not constant crying, but every few minutes I would just start quietly sobbing. I don’t know what I was expecting – I mean, I’ve kinda known this would happen since April – but it just seemed to hit me much harder than I thought.
The last three days have been very hard emotionally too. Crying takes over at a moment’s notice and I can’t stop. My allergic reaction has come back and my throat was a bit sore, my face very blotchy and red, and I just have no appetite.
Today feels a lot better and I feel like I have been told/given some tools to help me get through this next part. I’m going to try and find a physio person to see if I can do any pre-surgery exercises I can do to help aid my recovery. I’m going to make a list of questions I still might have about my surgery and get them answered. I’m going to chat with the ladies at the Breast Reconstruction group I have been going to and see what they say. But mostly, I think I’m just going to try and relax and take care of myself these next few weeks in preparation for a few weeks of recovery.
We first hit up my plastic surgeon’s office. To avoid confusion, I’ll call her the Plastic Surgeon (or PSurg) and my “removal” surgeon can be the “Surgeon”. I needed to sign off on consent forms for the PSurg part of my operation.
We then picked up my Dad and headed to the Surgeon’s office. I have done a lot of waiting in the past 6+ months in a lot of waiting rooms – and most of the time, I don’t mind…unless it’s getting really long, but for the most part, it’s not so bad. But what I find hard sometimes is that people want to talk to me. It depends who is with me, but for the most part, I’m happy to sit there in silence with my thoughts. I don’t want a running conversation – it’s still super hard to process that all this is happening, so to make some small talk often is just too much. Maybe silence makes other people uncomfortable, but right now, I think I just need that small moment of waiting to sort out what I need to.
Anyways, it was my turn to head into the Surgeon’s office and the three of us sat down. The Surgeon wanted to take a look at me so we pulled aside a curtain so she could take a peek. She was asking me a few things during the whole time, but I swear Dad and Cayley thought that curtain drown out their conversation as well…all I could hear was them talking about sports. So if you can imagine, I’m lying on the examination table, the doctor is doing her thing, and I have to stop her mid-sentence and tell the boys to pipe down!
She said she thought the site looked and felt a lot better. Cayley ran through the list of questions I had written down – I just couldn’t bring myself to talk. I could feel tears coming but I tried really hard to hold them at bay, and my silence seemed to be the only way to do it.
I managed to eek out one question and asked her if this (this being a mastectomy) was still the best way to go. Maybe I was hoping we could change it. The finality of it all just seemed way too close. Her opinion was that it’s best to proceed as we don’t want to miss anything and have to go through this again.
I thanked the doctor, told her I’d see her on the 22nd, and left to head home to Kelowna. I cried the whole way to Abbotsford. Not constant crying, but every few minutes I would just start quietly sobbing. I don’t know what I was expecting – I mean, I’ve kinda known this would happen since April – but it just seemed to hit me much harder than I thought.
The last three days have been very hard emotionally too. Crying takes over at a moment’s notice and I can’t stop. My allergic reaction has come back and my throat was a bit sore, my face very blotchy and red, and I just have no appetite.
Today feels a lot better and I feel like I have been told/given some tools to help me get through this next part. I’m going to try and find a physio person to see if I can do any pre-surgery exercises I can do to help aid my recovery. I’m going to make a list of questions I still might have about my surgery and get them answered. I’m going to chat with the ladies at the Breast Reconstruction group I have been going to and see what they say. But mostly, I think I’m just going to try and relax and take care of myself these next few weeks in preparation for a few weeks of recovery.
Vancouver update (part 1 of 2)
Last weekend I headed to Vancouver to stand by the side of one of my best friends from high school as she got married. Three of us were best buds in high school and have remained close throughout the years. Both girls got married this year, a short 6 weeks apart, and I was lucky enough to be part of both of their special days.
As I had to go through treatment only a few short days before each wedding, I took some notes the first time to make sure I was prepared for this wedding. I brought along a little foldable stool to sit on during the photography session as I knew I would get tired fast and need to sit down. I made sure to rest all week so I would have enough energy to last the whole day. I brought snacks that I could eat throughout the day, etc. I was ready as I ever was going to be.
But part of me was really anxious about the event – who wants to be the bridesmaid who is so exhausted that she has to stop part way down the aisle to take a rest? I worried that my situation would start impacting my friend’s day and I really did not want that.
Then there is the whole issue of photos. At the rehearsal dinner one friend took a picture of the three of us, and I just about cried on the spot – I look awful. Maybe I am unconsciously avoiding mirrors lately, or maybe I just forget how tired, puffy, etc that I really do look. I hadn’t seen the pictures from the first wedding – did I even want to see?? And my poor friend – she looked so stunning…to make her pictures look decent I would need some serious photo-shop editing!
However, as always, the day came and it went off without a hitch. Yes, I was tired – but I had a lot of opportunity to sit down and rest. My hair and make-up artists did a great job and I think they hid a lot of my ‘sickness’ look. My eyes wouldn’t stop watering, but I just let people believe that the wedding was tearing me up. (well I’ll be honest, sometimes it did!) When I first put on my dress I was a little uncomfortable in thinking that it didn’t look good – but as the day wore on, I got more comfortable and noticed that I really liked it. I gave my speech, I danced, ate some amazing cake and overall had a great time.
The rest of the weekend was nice as well. It was a beautiful Fall day in Vancouver. We watched my 12 year old cousin play in her soccer game. We headed over to my Uncle’s house for dinner – he hosted my mom’s whole side of the family! It was so great to catch up with everyone (9 adults and 5 kids, plus Cayley, my Dad, brother and I) in such a relaxed environment. I am so appreciative for all the hard work my Aunt, Uncle and cousin put into such a great evening.
I went to bed that night feeling like I’d had such a nice weekend…not thinking much about my surgeon’s appointment the next morning. But more about that next…
As I had to go through treatment only a few short days before each wedding, I took some notes the first time to make sure I was prepared for this wedding. I brought along a little foldable stool to sit on during the photography session as I knew I would get tired fast and need to sit down. I made sure to rest all week so I would have enough energy to last the whole day. I brought snacks that I could eat throughout the day, etc. I was ready as I ever was going to be.
But part of me was really anxious about the event – who wants to be the bridesmaid who is so exhausted that she has to stop part way down the aisle to take a rest? I worried that my situation would start impacting my friend’s day and I really did not want that.
Then there is the whole issue of photos. At the rehearsal dinner one friend took a picture of the three of us, and I just about cried on the spot – I look awful. Maybe I am unconsciously avoiding mirrors lately, or maybe I just forget how tired, puffy, etc that I really do look. I hadn’t seen the pictures from the first wedding – did I even want to see?? And my poor friend – she looked so stunning…to make her pictures look decent I would need some serious photo-shop editing!
However, as always, the day came and it went off without a hitch. Yes, I was tired – but I had a lot of opportunity to sit down and rest. My hair and make-up artists did a great job and I think they hid a lot of my ‘sickness’ look. My eyes wouldn’t stop watering, but I just let people believe that the wedding was tearing me up. (well I’ll be honest, sometimes it did!) When I first put on my dress I was a little uncomfortable in thinking that it didn’t look good – but as the day wore on, I got more comfortable and noticed that I really liked it. I gave my speech, I danced, ate some amazing cake and overall had a great time.
The rest of the weekend was nice as well. It was a beautiful Fall day in Vancouver. We watched my 12 year old cousin play in her soccer game. We headed over to my Uncle’s house for dinner – he hosted my mom’s whole side of the family! It was so great to catch up with everyone (9 adults and 5 kids, plus Cayley, my Dad, brother and I) in such a relaxed environment. I am so appreciative for all the hard work my Aunt, Uncle and cousin put into such a great evening.
I went to bed that night feeling like I’d had such a nice weekend…not thinking much about my surgeon’s appointment the next morning. But more about that next…
Positivity
In trying to settle out my life ‘post-chemo’ I found myself going through a lot of the pamphlets and handouts that I was given at the start of my diagnosis. Truth be told, I did not (and still haven’t) read all of them. There is just so much information out there that processing it all has taken its toll.
Part of me feels a little guilty for not reading all I can to make sure that I am doing the best thing, but there is a huge part of me that knows that it would be extremely difficult to accomplish that task. My concentration has been only available in small pieces here and there since April. And honestly, even if I did learn just one more small bit of information, would it make THAT big of a difference in how I am being treated? Very doubtful that my medical team will change my course of action at this point.
However, in saying that, there is always something new to learn, and it really is never too late to put it into practice. I stumbled across a small paragraph in a pamphlet that I ripped out, and now carry in my wallet. I don’t even remember what the pamphlet was about, but here’s the part I ripped out:
“Yourself
Try to stay positive. Staying positive is about figuring out how to deal with cancer in the best way that you can – and that everyone will do this in their own way. It doesn’t mean that you must seem happy or cheerful all the time or avoid talking or thinking about the difficulties of having cancer. But it can mean looking after yourself by finding relaxing, enjoyable activities that refresh you mentally, spiritually or physically.”
The biggest message I took away from that – you don’t always have to be stoic, have a smile on your face, or pretend that things are okay when it’s actually really really hard.
It’s hard to hear people constantly saying “well, you just gotta stay positive”. Yeah I get it – you don’t know what else to say…but seriously? I know that attitude affects everything, but c’mon – just because I put a smile on my face and think of all the ‘silver linings’ out there does not rid cancer from my body.
I’ve been trying to remain close friends with Positivity – trust me, I have. I fight through the hard feelings, the times where I feel awful and really have been trying to look on the bright side – but it’s hard…really hard somedays and I’m not going to pretend that going through this is easy. That just does not seem fair to all the people (including me) who just sometimes can’t hide how difficult this is by putting a smile on my face and looking on the bright side.
That’s not to say I don’t find joy and happiness in lots of things – I do! But I think I am going to be more in tune with letting myself be sad/mad/upset when I need to. After all, I have a piece of paper in my wallet that says I am allowed to ;)
Part of me feels a little guilty for not reading all I can to make sure that I am doing the best thing, but there is a huge part of me that knows that it would be extremely difficult to accomplish that task. My concentration has been only available in small pieces here and there since April. And honestly, even if I did learn just one more small bit of information, would it make THAT big of a difference in how I am being treated? Very doubtful that my medical team will change my course of action at this point.
However, in saying that, there is always something new to learn, and it really is never too late to put it into practice. I stumbled across a small paragraph in a pamphlet that I ripped out, and now carry in my wallet. I don’t even remember what the pamphlet was about, but here’s the part I ripped out:
“Yourself
Try to stay positive. Staying positive is about figuring out how to deal with cancer in the best way that you can – and that everyone will do this in their own way. It doesn’t mean that you must seem happy or cheerful all the time or avoid talking or thinking about the difficulties of having cancer. But it can mean looking after yourself by finding relaxing, enjoyable activities that refresh you mentally, spiritually or physically.”
The biggest message I took away from that – you don’t always have to be stoic, have a smile on your face, or pretend that things are okay when it’s actually really really hard.
It’s hard to hear people constantly saying “well, you just gotta stay positive”. Yeah I get it – you don’t know what else to say…but seriously? I know that attitude affects everything, but c’mon – just because I put a smile on my face and think of all the ‘silver linings’ out there does not rid cancer from my body.
I’ve been trying to remain close friends with Positivity – trust me, I have. I fight through the hard feelings, the times where I feel awful and really have been trying to look on the bright side – but it’s hard…really hard somedays and I’m not going to pretend that going through this is easy. That just does not seem fair to all the people (including me) who just sometimes can’t hide how difficult this is by putting a smile on my face and looking on the bright side.
That’s not to say I don’t find joy and happiness in lots of things – I do! But I think I am going to be more in tune with letting myself be sad/mad/upset when I need to. After all, I have a piece of paper in my wallet that says I am allowed to ;)
Tuesday, 18 October 2011
#8
Yesterday I headed back to the cancer agency for my final treatment. I’d like to say it was the final time I would have to go there, but I still have many more doctor’s appointments, Herceptin injections and eventually radiation to come. However, it was the last time I would be receiving chemo and that is something to happy about!
This time we got our own room with just the three of us (Dad, Cayley and I) in there. I sat on a bed with my legs up and we played a few games of crib. Cayley had never played before, so it was fun to teach him. Plus it was also fun to beat my dad every time – no easy feat I assure you!
The treatment took around 2:45 hours to complete and then I was out of there! Felt pretty good and just a little amped up afterwards.
We headed home to prepare for the pizza party celebration I had planned for a few friends. Since I wasn’t able to celebrate in the usual fashion (drinking, dancing, causing a ruckus, etc ;) ) I thought that throwing a party like a little kid would be the next best thing.
It was super fun. Lots of people stopped by with their congratulations and well wishes. We laughed a lot and I had a really good time seeing all these amazing people who have supported me over the last 5+ months.
5 months ago I sat here and wrote about my first treatment. About not knowing what to expect, about being scared, but knowing it had to be done. It felt like 5-6 months was such a long haul.
Well today, I can tell you what I expect next – 10 very difficult upcoming days. I’ll be tired, I’ll be emotional, I’ll have to take injections for 6 days, steroids for 7, and I’ll have to start thinking about preparing for my upcoming surgery. I’m not scared about these next few days – I know what’s coming, but I also know it will shortly be over and I can put this chemo thing behind me. 5-6 months was a long haul – but I had some great support and really fun things to look forward to (weddings, graduations, birthdays, babies, etc) to help get me through.
8 down, 0 to go! 10 days left of ‘ugly’ and then I should be in full recovery mode! My body/mind is definitely excited about that! I made it. Phew.
This time we got our own room with just the three of us (Dad, Cayley and I) in there. I sat on a bed with my legs up and we played a few games of crib. Cayley had never played before, so it was fun to teach him. Plus it was also fun to beat my dad every time – no easy feat I assure you!
The treatment took around 2:45 hours to complete and then I was out of there! Felt pretty good and just a little amped up afterwards.
We headed home to prepare for the pizza party celebration I had planned for a few friends. Since I wasn’t able to celebrate in the usual fashion (drinking, dancing, causing a ruckus, etc ;) ) I thought that throwing a party like a little kid would be the next best thing.
It was super fun. Lots of people stopped by with their congratulations and well wishes. We laughed a lot and I had a really good time seeing all these amazing people who have supported me over the last 5+ months.
5 months ago I sat here and wrote about my first treatment. About not knowing what to expect, about being scared, but knowing it had to be done. It felt like 5-6 months was such a long haul.
Well today, I can tell you what I expect next – 10 very difficult upcoming days. I’ll be tired, I’ll be emotional, I’ll have to take injections for 6 days, steroids for 7, and I’ll have to start thinking about preparing for my upcoming surgery. I’m not scared about these next few days – I know what’s coming, but I also know it will shortly be over and I can put this chemo thing behind me. 5-6 months was a long haul – but I had some great support and really fun things to look forward to (weddings, graduations, birthdays, babies, etc) to help get me through.
8 down, 0 to go! 10 days left of ‘ugly’ and then I should be in full recovery mode! My body/mind is definitely excited about that! I made it. Phew.
Sunday, 16 October 2011
Pre-treatment Doc visit
Friday was a very busy day for me. It was Cayley’s birthday, a chance for me to meet up with a friend who was out of town, work, a birthday party for both Cayley and my other friend, and two appointments at the cancer centre.
One of the appointments was my routine check-in prior to my chemo session. This time I was back with Dr. Taylor, my original oncologist. I have mentioned it before, and I’ll say it again, I really like her. She’s straight forward, takes time to answer any questions I have, and I truly feel she is doing what is best for my care.
She gave me a new prescription to deal with the rash/allergy symptoms I had starting day 10 last time – they got pretty yucky – purple eyes, blotchy skin, crazy watery eyes. So hopefully it works…to be honest, if not, well, only one left….
She also examined my chest. As she was doing so on the left side, she said to me “I’m on the correct side aren’t I?” I told her she was and she replied “Well you know that’s a good sign isn’t it?” I said “It means you can’t really feel anything so you think you are on the wrong side??” And she told me that if she didn’t know where it was, she wouldn’t likely know there was anything there. She said she could feel dense tissue, but nothing like it was. She told me she was really impressed by that. Now I don’t know her very well, but to me, it seems like it would take a lot to impress her, so I was very happy!
We also talked about my upcoming surgery. She told me that the best result would be that Dr. Kuusk does the mastectomy and finds nothing. I shouldn’t think that I have had it done for no reason because those people are the ones with the best overall outcomes in the end. I guess it means they got all the cancer, and even if there are some microscopic cancer cells remaining, now, with no tissue left, they won’t be able to grow back.
That put me at ease. In fact the whole appointment went really well. Well, except the part where I had to get weighed and discovered I had gained weight again. I know that it’s a very common side effect and I know that it’s better than losing weight, but it’s just really hard to deal with at times. I mean c’mon, I’m already bald, my eyebrows and eyelashes are almost gone, my eyes have red around the lids – I already don’t look that great and now most of my clothes don’t fit…curses.
But on the positive side, things seem to be working well. I have only one more treatment left and then I can go shopping for new clothes ;)
One of the appointments was my routine check-in prior to my chemo session. This time I was back with Dr. Taylor, my original oncologist. I have mentioned it before, and I’ll say it again, I really like her. She’s straight forward, takes time to answer any questions I have, and I truly feel she is doing what is best for my care.
She gave me a new prescription to deal with the rash/allergy symptoms I had starting day 10 last time – they got pretty yucky – purple eyes, blotchy skin, crazy watery eyes. So hopefully it works…to be honest, if not, well, only one left….
She also examined my chest. As she was doing so on the left side, she said to me “I’m on the correct side aren’t I?” I told her she was and she replied “Well you know that’s a good sign isn’t it?” I said “It means you can’t really feel anything so you think you are on the wrong side??” And she told me that if she didn’t know where it was, she wouldn’t likely know there was anything there. She said she could feel dense tissue, but nothing like it was. She told me she was really impressed by that. Now I don’t know her very well, but to me, it seems like it would take a lot to impress her, so I was very happy!
We also talked about my upcoming surgery. She told me that the best result would be that Dr. Kuusk does the mastectomy and finds nothing. I shouldn’t think that I have had it done for no reason because those people are the ones with the best overall outcomes in the end. I guess it means they got all the cancer, and even if there are some microscopic cancer cells remaining, now, with no tissue left, they won’t be able to grow back.
That put me at ease. In fact the whole appointment went really well. Well, except the part where I had to get weighed and discovered I had gained weight again. I know that it’s a very common side effect and I know that it’s better than losing weight, but it’s just really hard to deal with at times. I mean c’mon, I’m already bald, my eyebrows and eyelashes are almost gone, my eyes have red around the lids – I already don’t look that great and now most of my clothes don’t fit…curses.
But on the positive side, things seem to be working well. I have only one more treatment left and then I can go shopping for new clothes ;)
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Stupid cancer
Last week I learned of my surgery date. This brought with it a bit of anxiousness and worry and my mind immediately jumped into ‘sort it out’ mode. You know that mode – where you are faced with something and you start thinking of all the ways to ‘sort it out’. Thoughts ran through my mind like ‘better get some loose fitting, easy to put on clothing for right after the surgery’ to ‘I need to arrange a place to stay in Vancouver while I am there’ and ‘how can I set up my house so that it’s easy to get around after I get home’.
But the thought that ran through my mind the most ‘am I going to be able to go to Mexico a mere 3.5 weeks after surgery for my friend’s wedding?’, more importantly, ‘should I go?’
I did everything I could think of to gather all the information I needed to make a decision. I talked to the surgeon’s office to see what they thought. I talked to the plastic surgeon’s office. I asked people who had previously had mastectomies what their experience was 3 weeks after going ‘under the knife’. I talked to friends, family to get the positives and potential risks of going. I asked the travel agent what our insurance options were.
I’ll spare you the details of why/why not but in the end I decided not to go. It broke my heart to tell my friend that I couldn’t come. She is one of the most amazing people I know so of course she understood and tried to make me feel better….wait a sec, shouldn’t that be the other way around??? I hate disappointing her. I hate disappointing Cayley – I know he was looking forward to the trip as well.
I am disappointed as well, but I don’t think I will regret the decision. I will need time to rest and heal after my surgery and I don’t want to feel pressured to ‘hurry up and get better’ so we can go. I’m trying to be as grown-up as possible about this…but all I keep thinking (imagine me with a pouty lip sticking out and little kid voice)is “stupid cancer”.
But the thought that ran through my mind the most ‘am I going to be able to go to Mexico a mere 3.5 weeks after surgery for my friend’s wedding?’, more importantly, ‘should I go?’
I did everything I could think of to gather all the information I needed to make a decision. I talked to the surgeon’s office to see what they thought. I talked to the plastic surgeon’s office. I asked people who had previously had mastectomies what their experience was 3 weeks after going ‘under the knife’. I talked to friends, family to get the positives and potential risks of going. I asked the travel agent what our insurance options were.
I’ll spare you the details of why/why not but in the end I decided not to go. It broke my heart to tell my friend that I couldn’t come. She is one of the most amazing people I know so of course she understood and tried to make me feel better….wait a sec, shouldn’t that be the other way around??? I hate disappointing her. I hate disappointing Cayley – I know he was looking forward to the trip as well.
I am disappointed as well, but I don’t think I will regret the decision. I will need time to rest and heal after my surgery and I don’t want to feel pressured to ‘hurry up and get better’ so we can go. I’m trying to be as grown-up as possible about this…but all I keep thinking (imagine me with a pouty lip sticking out and little kid voice)is “stupid cancer”.
Friday, 7 October 2011
"M" Day
Found out my surgery date has been set - November 22nd down in Vancouver.
A friend asked me "Is this good news, bad news, or just news?" Great question...
Good news - it's over soon and I can say goodbye to that tumor in my body
Bad news - it's over soon and I will have to say goodbye to my longtime friend, Left Boob.
Seems like a lot of organizing will need to be done in the next little while, but for this weekend, I'm going to put it all on hold. Instead I'm going to remember all the reasons I have to be thankful and celebrate Thanksgiving.
Wishing everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving!
A friend asked me "Is this good news, bad news, or just news?" Great question...
Good news - it's over soon and I can say goodbye to that tumor in my body
Bad news - it's over soon and I will have to say goodbye to my longtime friend, Left Boob.
Seems like a lot of organizing will need to be done in the next little while, but for this weekend, I'm going to put it all on hold. Instead I'm going to remember all the reasons I have to be thankful and celebrate Thanksgiving.
Wishing everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Update (part 3 of 3)
A couple of general things to update on at this time. I was way too tired to do it last week so figured I’d send a quick update all at once.
BRCA genetic testing
I received my results back last week. Turns out, I do not carry the gene mutation that cancer researchers currently know about. Good news is that puts me in the ‘normal population’ averages for chances of getting ovarian cancer. I will have to speak to my oncologist about the chances of a reoccurrence of breast cancer, but the chances will definitely be lower than if I did carry the gene mutation.
So the only downside of being a non-carrier is that it does not explain how I got the disease in the first place. To be honest, part of me was a tiny bit disappointed when I heard I was negative. I think I was hoping it would somehow explain how this happened. I know, I know – sometimes it just happens. But I think a part of me is still looking for an explanation. And maybe I will never get one. Or maybe it will take a few more years of research to discover why.
Regardless, I’m happy to know that I am a non-carrier and that my outcomes look a little more positive than if I had been a carrier.
Radiation vs Surgery
I saw the Radiation oncologist today and his recommendation is to have surgery first, followed by radiation. He said that likely 4 weeks after I am done chemo, I will have surgery and 6 weeks after that I will start my radiation treatments. My treatments will run over a course of 5.5 weeks and I will have to go in every day.
I called the surgeon’s office after I was done and have an appointment to see my surgeon towards the end of October. They are going to work on getting me a surgery date which will likely be mid-November. Although I might get pushed to January if timing doesn’t work out – the OR isn’t open over Christmas. I am not exactly sure when I will know – but maybe I will call back later in the week to chat a bit more…I was a little overwhelmed this morning to really figure out what I needed to ask.
This could all change as my Surgeon will have the last say. She might say that she wants radiation first in order to be better prepared for the surgery. But I am not sure when/if that call will be made.
I’m still trying to process all this information, but that’s the brief update for now.
BRCA genetic testing
I received my results back last week. Turns out, I do not carry the gene mutation that cancer researchers currently know about. Good news is that puts me in the ‘normal population’ averages for chances of getting ovarian cancer. I will have to speak to my oncologist about the chances of a reoccurrence of breast cancer, but the chances will definitely be lower than if I did carry the gene mutation.
So the only downside of being a non-carrier is that it does not explain how I got the disease in the first place. To be honest, part of me was a tiny bit disappointed when I heard I was negative. I think I was hoping it would somehow explain how this happened. I know, I know – sometimes it just happens. But I think a part of me is still looking for an explanation. And maybe I will never get one. Or maybe it will take a few more years of research to discover why.
Regardless, I’m happy to know that I am a non-carrier and that my outcomes look a little more positive than if I had been a carrier.
Radiation vs Surgery
I saw the Radiation oncologist today and his recommendation is to have surgery first, followed by radiation. He said that likely 4 weeks after I am done chemo, I will have surgery and 6 weeks after that I will start my radiation treatments. My treatments will run over a course of 5.5 weeks and I will have to go in every day.
I called the surgeon’s office after I was done and have an appointment to see my surgeon towards the end of October. They are going to work on getting me a surgery date which will likely be mid-November. Although I might get pushed to January if timing doesn’t work out – the OR isn’t open over Christmas. I am not exactly sure when I will know – but maybe I will call back later in the week to chat a bit more…I was a little overwhelmed this morning to really figure out what I needed to ask.
This could all change as my Surgeon will have the last say. She might say that she wants radiation first in order to be better prepared for the surgery. But I am not sure when/if that call will be made.
I’m still trying to process all this information, but that’s the brief update for now.
Running for the Cure (part 2 of 3)
On Sunday the Run for the Cure took place in Kelowna. I have participated in this run before and always really liked it. It is a fundraiser for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation. The first time myself, my Dad, and two good friends and I just decided to run it. I ran that year to support my mom who was undergoing treatment at the time.
The next year we put in a team called “Stale Air Experience” and we rocked that race! We had a great turnout of people, had a big party the night before and all had a great time on the run day. Again I ran to support my mom who was undergoing treatment.
I have run or walked it a few times since then. I ran to remember my mom after she died. I ran to support my friend’s mom who was undergoing treatment, then I ran to support her as she became a strong and amazing survivor.
During the run, everyone who participates gets a white t-shirt and all the breast cancer survivors get a pink one. I had plenty of the white t-shirts, but this year, I got my first pink one. My unreal friends put together a team called “Aidan’s Diablos” (named after our soccer team) and organized a huge team to come out and support me. Other friends joined up with teams and came out to support me as well. I'm very lucky!
I showed up on Sunday and I was (and still kinda am) completely overwhelmed. There were a LOT of people that I knew at the run. I had friends and family travel in specifically just to join me in the run – one friend got up at 530am to drive into Kelowna, then left after it was done- unreal! I had tonnes of people giving me hugs. My team was one of the top fundraising teams in Kelowna!
I was completely speechless for most of Sunday morning. I didn’t know what to say or do. I was so grateful and appreciative for everyone being there.
There was a survivor celebration where people walked across the stage and they received a flower. I decided I didn’t want to do it. I just didn’t feel like I wanted to be showcased on stage – a little too much spotlight for me. I know it’s important to show others that people do survive this disease and they can get through it – but I am just not there yet.
I decided I wanted to run the 5km route. I think I just needed to prove to myself that I could still do it. I had a group of people running with me for 5 minutes of running, 1 minute of walking throughout the route. I told them they could go ahead if they wanted to, but they didn’t. They stayed on as my escorts and helped me get to the finish line in 37 minutes.
I’m not going to lie – it was hard. Really hard. And I was pretty tired at the end. But I was so happy to have been able to finish the run with all those amazing friends and family around me. I can’t thank everyone enough for coming out that day – I am so very lucky to have such amazing people surrounding me.
Exhaustion (part 1 of 3)
My last chemo treatment kicked my ass. No tip-toeing around it, I got rocked. To date, I have stayed home and rested for a few days after each treatment but usually around the 3rd or 4th day of being at home, I’ve been able to clean up a bit, run a few errands and am generally feeling “okay” if just a little tired.
Not this time. I was on the couch for most of the week. I was tired getting up and walking from my bed to the couch. Standing for more than a few minutes made my muscles hurt. I didn’t answer the phone because talking made me tired. I didn’t go near my email because a.) I would have to walk over to my computer and then sit up and b.) typing made me tired!!! I had to talk myself into getting up to make lunch – it took an hour to convince myself that I could do it.
Let’s face it – we’ve all had those days where we are feeling a bit lazy and don’t want to get off the couch. We say things like “I just can’t get off the couch!”, but in reality, we choose not to get off it. This week I experienced the feeling of actually not being able to get off the couch. It was frustrating, tiring, made me really sad, but I just could not do it.
One point I managed to drag myself off the couch to go run a quick errand – part way through driving I actually thought to myself “this is not safe – I should not be driving right now”…I was that exhausted! (and no wise cracks about my driving abilities the rest of the time please! ;) )
All this lying around on the couch by myself got me feeling really emotional as well. I was sad, miserable, lonely, bored – just really felt frustrated that I had to be lying down for such an extended period. I wanted to go visit people but I couldn’t. I wanted to go for a walk and get some exercise, but I couldn’t. Frustrating!
As always, the feelings passed after a week – but it’s so hard to see through to when you will feel ‘back to normal’ when you are in the midst of everything. I kept telling myself it was only a few more days but it was still so hard to imagine how I would get through those ‘few more days’.
But I did and thankfully only have to experience that one more time!
Not this time. I was on the couch for most of the week. I was tired getting up and walking from my bed to the couch. Standing for more than a few minutes made my muscles hurt. I didn’t answer the phone because talking made me tired. I didn’t go near my email because a.) I would have to walk over to my computer and then sit up and b.) typing made me tired!!! I had to talk myself into getting up to make lunch – it took an hour to convince myself that I could do it.
Let’s face it – we’ve all had those days where we are feeling a bit lazy and don’t want to get off the couch. We say things like “I just can’t get off the couch!”, but in reality, we choose not to get off it. This week I experienced the feeling of actually not being able to get off the couch. It was frustrating, tiring, made me really sad, but I just could not do it.
One point I managed to drag myself off the couch to go run a quick errand – part way through driving I actually thought to myself “this is not safe – I should not be driving right now”…I was that exhausted! (and no wise cracks about my driving abilities the rest of the time please! ;) )
All this lying around on the couch by myself got me feeling really emotional as well. I was sad, miserable, lonely, bored – just really felt frustrated that I had to be lying down for such an extended period. I wanted to go visit people but I couldn’t. I wanted to go for a walk and get some exercise, but I couldn’t. Frustrating!
As always, the feelings passed after a week – but it’s so hard to see through to when you will feel ‘back to normal’ when you are in the midst of everything. I kept telling myself it was only a few more days but it was still so hard to imagine how I would get through those ‘few more days’.
But I did and thankfully only have to experience that one more time!
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