Today’s the day I leave for Vancouver to be down there for my surgery. I wanted to write something all week, but really I didn’t know what to write! Life sort of felt like it was getting back to ‘normal’. I had a lot of things to do to prepare – buying a variety of products to help with recovery, making a bunch of phone calls that I might not be able to while I’m away, visiting people, etc etc. And really it kinda seemed boring or too normal to chat about! haha
It seemed like everyone wanted to see me before I headed off to Vancouver – part of me was really happy about that, but part of me was also a little irritated – I mean, I have been here for a while, and people knew when the date was – maybe not squishing it in at the last minute would have been okay too??? But I realized that I was being silly – it’s great to hang out with friends and I have been feeling a lot better lately and able to handle more visiting time. And I made sure that if I couldn’t make it work, to not worry about it, not try and squish it in, and just do what I felt I needed to do.
The last week has been pretty good. People have been telling me I look a lot better than they have seen me look in a long time. Part of that is due to the make-up I can now wear as my skin doesn’t get irritated. Part of it is because I am feeling really great (well comparatively so!!) so I am sure my mood and my spirits aid in my appearance. And part of it is because I no longer have to be on all the different drugs!
I’m still tired a lot – I get tired quickly, I stay in bed for a long time – but I feel better overall. My one friend told me I looked good and when I told her it was likely the make-up she replied “no, you looked tired before. Now you don’t look so tired.” And the colour is returning to my face – I’m not so washed-out/grayish anymore!
It’s been hard to celebrate feeling way better, as surgery has quickly approached. I had a lot of errands to do before the surgery and felt I had to get a lot done before heading to Vancouver. I was chatting with a friend and she said that after reading my blog it seems like I’m not scared about surgery. I should clear that up – I am definitely scared. It’s hard to imagine how my life will be like after I have this done. I wonder about if I will really be able to play sports again, if I will look okay once it’s all done, if the procedure will go as planned.
But at the same time, I know this has to be done. I don’t want to do it, but I know that I need to suck up those feelings and march on with it. Just after I attended a Breast Reconstruction support group meeting, I think I resigned to the fact that it is happening and no matter if I ask 10 questions or 10 million, I still have to go through with it. I’ve done my research, I’ve asked the questions I was worried about, I’ve bought the recommended items to help, and now I just have to go through with it.
I went for lunch to a great Chinese place with my Dad on Friday. We ate and then got our fortune cookies. Mine read “Be brave enough to live creatively”. I just kept staring at the first two words “Be Brave”. Felt it was a bit fitting for my upcoming week, so I stuck it in my pocket so I wouldn’t forget to be brave.
Last night I took pictures of my bare chest. I will likely never look at them, but more than one person who has gone through this has told me to do it as it helped them. I guess I’d rather have the picture and never look at it, then not have it and wish I did.
Anyways, I still have to finish packing before we head out. I’m very thankful that Dad and Cayley will both be with me, and that I have a terrific group of family and friends down in Vancouver to make me smile. As of Tuesday at 1030am, my life will have changed again and I will be one step closer to being cancer-free.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Saturday, 12 November 2011
The Results
Last week I went to see my oncology Doctor for my scheduled appointment. I was also having my first IV of only Herceptin in the chemo room. No, I don’t need to have any more chemo, but I do need to take Herceptin 17 times in total, and I have only done 4. So every three weeks I will have to go back to the chemo room and receive my IV.
For the first time since this whole thing began, I was actually quite happy heading to the cancer agency. Don’t get me wrong, the place itself is great. The staff are caring, supportive and helpful and many of the things you need are all at the same place (oncology, radiation, relaxation groups, patient and family counselling, nutritional services, library of books/dvds/cds, etc etc). But for a long time, it felt like every time I got under that roof, I would cry at a moment’s notice.
But not last week! I was happy, talking to the staff, relaxed. I think I just knew that the chemo was over and really, what could be worse?
I saw my Doctor and she had the results of my Echo and my MRI. The Echo showed that my heart is handling everything well – apparently there was little to no change from my baseline Echo. The MRI report compared my initial MRI done in SF in April to the one done about 10 days before my doc’s appointment.
According to Dr. Taylor the report showed that I responded extremely well to the chemo. There now only appears to be one 6 millimeter mass, whereas before there were 6 areas of “mass-like enhancements” with the most prominent mass measuring 2.5 x 2.7 cm. The other 5 ranged from 6mm-12mm. The other breast looks clear and the lymph nodes also look clear.
The Doc seemed very happy with how I had responded and I found myself feeling a little bit relieved. With a mass still there, I definitely need to have the full mastectomy to remove it. I guess I was hoping I didn’t have to do it, but all the docs seem to agree that it’s the best course of action for the best long term results. And knowing that there is still something there makes me feel better about going through with the procedure.
I also was relieved to hear that the chemo did its job. Logically I knew that I had to go through it as part of my treatment, but there was still a small part of me that wondered if I went through all the awfulness of the past 6 months for nothing. But it wasn’t for nothing – it worked. And it will likely give my surgical team the best shot at getting it all with clear margins. (margins are non-infected tissue areas around the tumours that they take to ensure they got the entire tumour).
To continue monitoring me on Herceptin, I will have to go in for an Echo and see the oncologist every 3 months. Herceptin is usually tolerated fairly well, and so far, I haven’t had many side effects. I was quite tired this week, but nothing like I had been. I’m starting to feel better and my face is getting back some colour. Still no eye-lash or eyebrow growth, but I am sure that will come soon.
10 more days until the big day!
For the first time since this whole thing began, I was actually quite happy heading to the cancer agency. Don’t get me wrong, the place itself is great. The staff are caring, supportive and helpful and many of the things you need are all at the same place (oncology, radiation, relaxation groups, patient and family counselling, nutritional services, library of books/dvds/cds, etc etc). But for a long time, it felt like every time I got under that roof, I would cry at a moment’s notice.
But not last week! I was happy, talking to the staff, relaxed. I think I just knew that the chemo was over and really, what could be worse?
I saw my Doctor and she had the results of my Echo and my MRI. The Echo showed that my heart is handling everything well – apparently there was little to no change from my baseline Echo. The MRI report compared my initial MRI done in SF in April to the one done about 10 days before my doc’s appointment.
According to Dr. Taylor the report showed that I responded extremely well to the chemo. There now only appears to be one 6 millimeter mass, whereas before there were 6 areas of “mass-like enhancements” with the most prominent mass measuring 2.5 x 2.7 cm. The other 5 ranged from 6mm-12mm. The other breast looks clear and the lymph nodes also look clear.
The Doc seemed very happy with how I had responded and I found myself feeling a little bit relieved. With a mass still there, I definitely need to have the full mastectomy to remove it. I guess I was hoping I didn’t have to do it, but all the docs seem to agree that it’s the best course of action for the best long term results. And knowing that there is still something there makes me feel better about going through with the procedure.
I also was relieved to hear that the chemo did its job. Logically I knew that I had to go through it as part of my treatment, but there was still a small part of me that wondered if I went through all the awfulness of the past 6 months for nothing. But it wasn’t for nothing – it worked. And it will likely give my surgical team the best shot at getting it all with clear margins. (margins are non-infected tissue areas around the tumours that they take to ensure they got the entire tumour).
To continue monitoring me on Herceptin, I will have to go in for an Echo and see the oncologist every 3 months. Herceptin is usually tolerated fairly well, and so far, I haven’t had many side effects. I was quite tired this week, but nothing like I had been. I’m starting to feel better and my face is getting back some colour. Still no eye-lash or eyebrow growth, but I am sure that will come soon.
10 more days until the big day!
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
The week in review
Yes, I realize it’s only Wednesday, so the week isn’t over yet – hardly time for a ‘week in review’! But it has been a great week so far and I just wanted to share.
Sunday – headed to the hospital for an Echo test on my heart. The woman who was conducting my test had started the department back in 1978 so she really knew her stuff. She also was one of the technicians in the first clinical trial of Herceptin in BC. Talking to her was awesome – she told me all of the Herceptin patients she followed had extremely good outcomes – yah! She reassured me that everything would work out for me.
Monday – Halloween! I headed to work in a costume for our staff lunch. We had Chinese food which was great. Even better was that I had eaten something that turned out to be a little bit spicy, and it wasn’t too bad on my tongue/stomach!! My system is definitely not what it was, but this makes me think that maybe it’s getting better?
I also had a lot of my questions regarding my upcoming surgery addressed. They aren’t all answered yet, but my PSurg’s office and the Breast Cancer Navigator at the cancer agency both said they are doing some research to find me the answers I want before my surgery.
Tuesday – I was on my way to a massage appointment to help get my shoulders/chest prepared for my upcoming surgery when I received a call from the cancer agency. A nurse was calling to let me know that I would receive the full results of the MRI I did on Friday at my next visit with the oncologist (Nov 8th). But in the mean time they didn’t want me to worry so they called to let me know that it looked like I responded “extremely well” to the chemo and they detected no disease in the other (the right side) breast. Yippee!! Full details are coming next week, but for now, yahoo!
Then my massage therapist noticed my hair was growing back! I thought it was, but having someone else point it out is always reassuring
I played soccer last night and while I was way out of shape and a lot tired, it felt great – I even scored a goal!
Wednesday – Today I went to a relaxation group at the cancer agency and really felt awesome after I left. I headed over to meet two people I have met during ‘all this’ – one who went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment 4 years ago at age 36, and one woman who is going through treatment now. It was so awesome to see them and just talk about cancery type things…it’s always nice to hear advice or stories from people who have been through something similar.
So that’s been my week so far. I’m feeling a lot better and hoping that it’s just keeps getting better from this point forward. My mood is really great, my body feels better, and I am just getting really excited about a lot of little things. What a great start to the week!
Sunday – headed to the hospital for an Echo test on my heart. The woman who was conducting my test had started the department back in 1978 so she really knew her stuff. She also was one of the technicians in the first clinical trial of Herceptin in BC. Talking to her was awesome – she told me all of the Herceptin patients she followed had extremely good outcomes – yah! She reassured me that everything would work out for me.
Monday – Halloween! I headed to work in a costume for our staff lunch. We had Chinese food which was great. Even better was that I had eaten something that turned out to be a little bit spicy, and it wasn’t too bad on my tongue/stomach!! My system is definitely not what it was, but this makes me think that maybe it’s getting better?
I also had a lot of my questions regarding my upcoming surgery addressed. They aren’t all answered yet, but my PSurg’s office and the Breast Cancer Navigator at the cancer agency both said they are doing some research to find me the answers I want before my surgery.
Tuesday – I was on my way to a massage appointment to help get my shoulders/chest prepared for my upcoming surgery when I received a call from the cancer agency. A nurse was calling to let me know that I would receive the full results of the MRI I did on Friday at my next visit with the oncologist (Nov 8th). But in the mean time they didn’t want me to worry so they called to let me know that it looked like I responded “extremely well” to the chemo and they detected no disease in the other (the right side) breast. Yippee!! Full details are coming next week, but for now, yahoo!
Then my massage therapist noticed my hair was growing back! I thought it was, but having someone else point it out is always reassuring
I played soccer last night and while I was way out of shape and a lot tired, it felt great – I even scored a goal!
Wednesday – Today I went to a relaxation group at the cancer agency and really felt awesome after I left. I headed over to meet two people I have met during ‘all this’ – one who went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment 4 years ago at age 36, and one woman who is going through treatment now. It was so awesome to see them and just talk about cancery type things…it’s always nice to hear advice or stories from people who have been through something similar.
So that’s been my week so far. I’m feeling a lot better and hoping that it’s just keeps getting better from this point forward. My mood is really great, my body feels better, and I am just getting really excited about a lot of little things. What a great start to the week!
The Cancer Patient’s Purse
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what comes with cancer treatment – and what most people would never imagine life is like when going through this. It’s not just the medication, the treatment, the side-effects, the seemingly endless appointments – it’s the ‘life stuff’ too. It’s remarkable how your life needs to adjust in small ways to make it easier to get through everything.
For example, my purse. As I near the end of my chemo ‘stuff’ (ie recovering from the drugs, finally starting to feel better, etc), I realized that I soon will be able to de-clutter my purse of all the items currently in there to help me through this first part.
My purse is nothing out of the ordinary from the outside – medium sized black bag with a few zippers. But what’s inside definitely differs from that of most women my age.
Here’s a list of what is (or was) in my purse that is related to my cancer treatment:
1. Tissues and Q-tips – my eyes will not stop watering so I need to have tissues or q-tips on hand to wipe away the wetness. Eyelashes truly do help your eyes, and not having them really makes the watery moments a lot more messy!
2. Thermometer – During this time, I cannot get sick. So if I even feel a little bit “off” I’m supposed to take my temperature and ensure that I am between 36-38 degrees C. If I were to get over 38 degrees, I need to go immediately to the emergency room. Which leads me to item #3…
3. Emergency Room note – I’ve had to carry around a note with instructions from the cancer agency in case I ended up in the emergency room. It explains to the staff there what to do with me in case of an emergency, which drugs I am on, and who to contact if there are problems.
4. Tums – the ol’ stomach just does not handle things as well as it had. The stomach lining and its cells have been damaged by the chemo, and thus make my tummy a lot rough at times.
5. Plastic bags – For my first set of chemo drugs I carried around a few ziplock bags and a black plastic bag in my purse. Why, you ask? Well in case I got sick, I could puke in the ziplock bag so it wouldn’t leak out, then put that in the black plastic bag so it would be discreet until I found a trash can.
6. Plastic gloves – in case of the situation in #5, plastic gloves were on hand so that if someone was helping me, they would be protected. Apparently chemo puke can be toxic to other people if they get any on them.
7. Eyebrow pencil – drawn-on eyebrows don’t last all day like real eyebrows
8. Sanitary wipes – because people are constantly sick and touching things with their yucky germy hands!
9. Hand sanitizer – see #8
10. Tylenol – not Advil, not ibuprofen, not aspirin - Tylenol only. Apparently the other pain relievers can interfere with my treatment
11. Throat lozenges – but not just any throat lozenges – no sour, citrus, minty flavours as my taste buds cannot handle it. You try finding lozenges without ANY of those…geesh!
12. Cuticle cream – my nails are affected by the chemo so I need to ensure they are constantly moisturized so they don’t peel, crack, or become otherwise irritated or infected
13. Snack – I have a very hard time distinguishing when I am hungry. In fact, I think my hunger sensation has taken a bit of a vacation for the moment. But sometimes when I start to feel really tired and drained, it is my body needing nutrition. Having something on the go helps me until I am able to get home and make something. It often staves off the nauseous feelings as well.
14. Water – getting dehydrated is not in my best interest…well, it’s not really in anyone’s best interest! But having water in my purse also helps with the common side effect of dry mouth - at least until I can get home or somewhere to get more liquid.
15. My book – a little book that I keep track of my doctor’s information, appointment information I have, phone numbers for various places, instructions on what I need to do/eat/etc. I get called all the time about new instructions from the docs, new appointments, referrals to other services, etc. I need a place to track everything while out and about.
I am definitely looking forward to getting rid of a lot of these items and lightening up the purse! Soon I will need it to be lighter anyways – after surgery I am not supposed to lift more than 10lbs! ;)
For example, my purse. As I near the end of my chemo ‘stuff’ (ie recovering from the drugs, finally starting to feel better, etc), I realized that I soon will be able to de-clutter my purse of all the items currently in there to help me through this first part.
My purse is nothing out of the ordinary from the outside – medium sized black bag with a few zippers. But what’s inside definitely differs from that of most women my age.
Here’s a list of what is (or was) in my purse that is related to my cancer treatment:
1. Tissues and Q-tips – my eyes will not stop watering so I need to have tissues or q-tips on hand to wipe away the wetness. Eyelashes truly do help your eyes, and not having them really makes the watery moments a lot more messy!
2. Thermometer – During this time, I cannot get sick. So if I even feel a little bit “off” I’m supposed to take my temperature and ensure that I am between 36-38 degrees C. If I were to get over 38 degrees, I need to go immediately to the emergency room. Which leads me to item #3…
3. Emergency Room note – I’ve had to carry around a note with instructions from the cancer agency in case I ended up in the emergency room. It explains to the staff there what to do with me in case of an emergency, which drugs I am on, and who to contact if there are problems.
4. Tums – the ol’ stomach just does not handle things as well as it had. The stomach lining and its cells have been damaged by the chemo, and thus make my tummy a lot rough at times.
5. Plastic bags – For my first set of chemo drugs I carried around a few ziplock bags and a black plastic bag in my purse. Why, you ask? Well in case I got sick, I could puke in the ziplock bag so it wouldn’t leak out, then put that in the black plastic bag so it would be discreet until I found a trash can.
6. Plastic gloves – in case of the situation in #5, plastic gloves were on hand so that if someone was helping me, they would be protected. Apparently chemo puke can be toxic to other people if they get any on them.
7. Eyebrow pencil – drawn-on eyebrows don’t last all day like real eyebrows
8. Sanitary wipes – because people are constantly sick and touching things with their yucky germy hands!
9. Hand sanitizer – see #8
10. Tylenol – not Advil, not ibuprofen, not aspirin - Tylenol only. Apparently the other pain relievers can interfere with my treatment
11. Throat lozenges – but not just any throat lozenges – no sour, citrus, minty flavours as my taste buds cannot handle it. You try finding lozenges without ANY of those…geesh!
12. Cuticle cream – my nails are affected by the chemo so I need to ensure they are constantly moisturized so they don’t peel, crack, or become otherwise irritated or infected
13. Snack – I have a very hard time distinguishing when I am hungry. In fact, I think my hunger sensation has taken a bit of a vacation for the moment. But sometimes when I start to feel really tired and drained, it is my body needing nutrition. Having something on the go helps me until I am able to get home and make something. It often staves off the nauseous feelings as well.
14. Water – getting dehydrated is not in my best interest…well, it’s not really in anyone’s best interest! But having water in my purse also helps with the common side effect of dry mouth - at least until I can get home or somewhere to get more liquid.
15. My book – a little book that I keep track of my doctor’s information, appointment information I have, phone numbers for various places, instructions on what I need to do/eat/etc. I get called all the time about new instructions from the docs, new appointments, referrals to other services, etc. I need a place to track everything while out and about.
I am definitely looking forward to getting rid of a lot of these items and lightening up the purse! Soon I will need it to be lighter anyways – after surgery I am not supposed to lift more than 10lbs! ;)
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