Weekends

This week, I started working part-time for this great company in Kelowna. They understand my situation and are “infinitely flexible” with me and my time. It felt awesome to get back into an office and be in a working environment. The staff seem really awesome and it was great to get my brain engaged and thinking of something other than my current situation.

On my second day of work, the staff headed out to a Plane Pull fundraiser benefitting the United Way. It was a great day to get to know everyone a little bit better. The team pulled the plane the fastest and ended up winning the event! I was really excited for everyone and happily participated as official photographer for team. I really think I am going to enjoy working a little bit…this company is definitely amazing and really feels like a great place to be.

With “work” now comes the thought of weekends. Those two days to rest, relax, enjoy the time you have to do whatever you want. Even though I am flexible part-time, it still seemed gratifying to know I had made it to Friday afternoon (even though I only started on Thursday ;) ) and the weekend was just in front of me.

However, weekends are now starting to feel like a dreary time. It’s strange in that the rest of my life, weekends have always been fun and exciting and relaxing and whatever you want them to be. A time to catch up on housework/homework/visiting with friends/exercise/shopping/traveling, etc. These days, weekends seem to find me stuck to my couch trying to find something to do while I lie there.

The first weekend, was my chemo #1 treatment, so I didn’t stray too far from home. The second weekend, I was just off my minor surgery which knocked me a little more than I thought. And this weekend...well I’m just feeling plain crappy. On Friday night my throat started hurting and by Saturday morning, I was fully in “sick” mode. I tried to leave the house for a little while, but it lasted only 20 minutes before I had to come home again. Today I went for breakfast, which was really nice, but then had to go home and lie on the couch to try and get rid of this headache that won’t seem to go away.

I wonder when I will enjoy weekends again…and if I will have to feel terrible for the whole 6 months of treatment…then the major surgery…hmmm, I certainly hope not as this is no fun at all.

I also feel guilty that I just simply can’t keep up with everyone and everything. I feel really stuck to my house, yet I still can’t get anything done here. I haven’t returned emails or phone calls very often, as the thought of it is usually too overwhelming or I am too tired to talk at the end of the day. I can’t make plans too far in advance, as I just don’t know how I will feel that day. It is definitely frustrating for someone like me who likes to commit to fun events and can be counted on to do things. It’s just not the same right now. I am trying to embrace my new “let’s just see” for events and making plans, but it definitely is difficult.

My Aunt is coming to visit me this week and I am really excited to see her. Treatment #2 is at the end of this week and hopefully it will go smoothly with the Port-a-cath now in place. And luckily, the Vancouver Cancuks are playing in the NHL Stanley Cup finals, so there will at least be something on TV this weekend ;)