The blogging site has been down since yesterday afternoon, so you may be reading two posts in succession…or maybe even one is now disappeared…oh well. But the main point is, today is the day I start treatments.
Yesterday was very hectic and filled with crazy emotions, but today I feel fine…calm eating a good breakfast (doc’s orders!) and getting ready to have a CT scan before my treatment this afternoon.
I keep thinking back to the Toolbox portion of my MBA experience at Hult this past September. Our class went on a ropes course, where we were broken into teams and put through a variety of obstacles and challenges all involving ropes.
We were in the woods in Sonoma and it was a beautiful and sunny day. The morning was a series of challenges involving strategic thinking and figuring out challenges – like how can two people walking on the same tightrope pass each other and both get to the other side without falling off? After lunch we headed to the trees and started a series of exercises involving climbing up trees either with partners or solo. I’m simplifying a bit here, but it was a series of exercises in teamwork, challenging yourself, and trusting your partner.
One of the exercises was called “the perch”. It was a 50 foot pole standing tall amongst the trees and our job was to climb to the top of it. Then we were to stand on the top of the pole (on a wobbling disc) for a moment, collect ourselves (ie no wobbling), and then jump and catch a trapeze hanging a ways out from the pole.
Heights and I have never been the best of friends, and I knew it would be a challenge for me to stand on that pole. I figured climbing wouldn’t be the problem, but standing to the top might be. I told my teammates that I wasn’t the best with heights and a few of them were baffled…”you? But you’re so tall!”…right…I’m tall, just not THAT tall ;)
It came to my turn and I said I would be happy just climbing to the top, but I might try to stand up. The guide told me to make my decision at the bottom. Okay, I’m standing on the top! At least I will have tried.
As I pictured, I climbed to the top no problem, but then I had to figure out how to stand on top of the pole. I started to put my first foot up and thought I might be stuck. I yelled down below to my teammates and asked them what I should do next…what had their experience taught them in going before me. My good friends Alex and Atsushi’s voices stood out for me, and I listened to their instructions as they guided me through it.
At one point, the guide yelled up to me that it was up to me now. No one else could help or guide me, but that I had to do it on my own. In my mind I started saying “I can do this, and if I can do this, I can certainly do this MBA living away from home. I bet I can do anything if I can do this. I can do this”. I managed to stand up on the disc and straighten myself. I kept repeating “I can do this” to myself and looked at the trapeze, pushed off, said out loud “I can do this!” and caught it!
Today I feel a bit like that day. A little nervous that I will get scared, absolutely sure I can go through certain parts of this but not so sure of other parts, willing to listen to the advice of friends, family, nurses, doctors, and those who have gone before me, but ultimately, I have to get treated on my own. And heck, if I can get through “the perch” with my slight discomfort (okay slight fear!) of heights, I can certainly tackle this. J
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