Showing up

Lately I’ve been worried a lot about how to show up to events. It’s a little more difficult these days to just run out the door and go. I’m worried about if I have everything I need to a.) cover up my skin, b.) make sure I look okay and not too “cancer-patienty” and c.) what’s my exit strategy for when I really need to jet.

Last night a good friend of mine took me to an easy yoga class downtown. I thought all day about how I was going to show up. What wig was I going to wear? How was I going to prevent it from falling off? How many people were going to be there? Would that be too crowded for me? What if someone there was sick?

I almost called and bailed – almost. But I decided to go as the last time I had been with her the class really helped stretch me out and make me feel better.

The class was great – packed with people, but great. I was definitely nervous and at one point during the class I shed a few tears. Thankfully it was during the part where everyone was lying down with their eyes closed so no one could see! Ha-ha! (I’ve been told to just let myself cry when it comes…so I did! Ha-ha). I made it through the class and definitely felt better.

Today is the staff summer party at my work. We are heading out to Okanagan Lake Resort for an “Amazing Race” challenge. Earlier in the week I had the same dilemma – how was I going to show up to this? Normally I would have been the first to jump in to participate, started trash talking about how my team was going to win, been joking around with everyone in the office about ‘strategy’ etc. But this year is different.

I worried about getting my wig wet, it falling off, being out of shape, getting embarrassed (I’m pretty sure not everyone in the office knows yet), etc. So I decided to volunteer to be the photographer.

I’ve packed my bag for the day and it has everything in it I could possibly need – I think. I think it will be a fun day and I will get to know people a bit more at my work. I already love the ones I know, so getting to know more of them will be awesome I am sure.

I guess sometimes it’s not how you show up, but just that you show up at all. Plus, being the photographer means I won’t have to be in any of those embarrassing shots that are sure to appear online! ;)