Yesterday marked treatment #14, exactly half way through the whole radiation process. I haven’t written in a while because of a few reasons:
#1 – really there is nothing exciting to say – my shoulders hurt, my hands are numb/tingly, we aren’t done the extremely hard puzzle in the waiting room of the treatment centre, etc
#2 – with having to be at the centre every M-F, and trying to balance other things like errands, work, rest, I honestly feel like I have no time to do much of anything.
But I do realize that while maybe to me this has become a really difficult routine, it has also made me a bit withdrawn. I don’t reach out to chat to people as often as I normally do. Some of that has to do with feeling like I have no time, but other times I just feel miserable and the last thing I would want to do is call/email someone and be like “hey, things suck, I’m miserable and that’s all I have to say”. I hate being negative like that. I really try to be positive even when it's extremely difficult to do so.
Radiation has been no picnic. It’s really hard to talk to people about it at times…everyone assumes that because you can’t feel the radiation beam, that it’s “easy” or a “breeze” compared to everything else.
Well it’s not. No, it doesn’t really hurt during the treatment, but my shoulders are in a lot of pain. My skin is starting to get red and itchy. I have to be really careful with lotions and soaps as to not further irritate the area. And I’m tired…I can almost feel when my battery is draining and I feel like a kid’s toy winding down fast due to no energy.
Maybe if I had done radiation first, before my body started hating me for all the chemo, before I had my tissue and muscles and skin altered from surgery, it would be a lot easier. However, this is the way it is for me, and I have to just suck it up and deal with it.
On the positive side of things, the last week of radiation has gone by fairly well. I had to have a new CT scan done last Friday to try and put me in a more comfortable position. The first few treatments were similar and uncomfortable, but the ones on Thursday and Friday were much faster and much better.
With treatment every day, time seems to go by very quickly. On Friday I had an appointment with my medical oncologist, my first in 3 months. The staff in her office are so encouraging – saying I looked really great and not sick any more. They also weighed me – standard procedure – and I was down 16 lbs from my last chemo weigh-in! Woo hoo! This means I’m about 5ish lbs away from ‘normal’ weight.
The Doc is a bit puzzled about the numbness in my hands, so she is going to send me for a nerve conductivity test just to rule out anything strange. She figures it’s a leftover side effect from the chemo but it is a bit weird that it is this late in coming. So I am on a new medication to try and control the pain. Apparently nerve damage can take 1-2 years to repair, so hopefully this medication helps in the meantime.
So at the ½ way point, I’m feeling pretty good about things. 14 treatments left in the next 3 weeks and that does not seem like much time at all. On Tuesday I will also be over the hump for Herceptin treatments as well – 9 down, 8 to go. As I celebrate my birthday I keep thinking that I’m almost done the major treatment stuff… and that just might be the best birthday present yet!
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
The First Week
Today marked the first full week of radiation treatment for me - 5 treatments under my belt so far.
On the first day I was given a hospital gown and a hospital housecoat to use during my treatment. I need to be naked from the waist up underneath my gown. I need to get changed in the change rooms at the centre before my set appointment, then wait in the waiting area for my specific machine. There are 5 machines at the cancer centre and are named The Lake, The Hills, The Park, Orchard, and The Beach. I am being treated on the Beach machine at the very end of the hall.
The room that houses the Beach machine is quite large with a medical table in the middle. There is a big machine that hovers around the table – the machine will move around you, but won’t touch you. Each day I go for treatment my settings for my scan will be set out on the table ready for me to lie in there and get placed in the same position each time. There is a cushion that goes under my legs, pressing up against my butt. There is a mold for my head/neck, and two for my left arm – one for the bicep, one for the hand. My left arm needs to be raised up behind my head to expose my side so it can receive treatment.
The first day I walked into the room and started crying. I’m not sure why I was upset – maybe the reality of it all had sunk in. I was able to compose myself and then laid on the table to get ready. The radiation technicians then try to line me up on the table in the exact position I had my CT scan in. My tattoos will help them position me where I need to be lined up.
There were three technicians setting me up and as they moved me around they would tell each other a variety of numbers. Often after hearing the number, another technician would say “I agree”. I guess they have to ensure I am in the correct spot before getting going.
The first day took about 30 minutes of lying on the table. The technicians came in and out of the room a few times to check things out. The lights are dimmed when I first lie on the table and there are green laser lights lining the table – think of the red motion sensor lights you often see that act as security surrounding valuables in the museums in the movies.
Once the technicians leave the room, the lights get turned on and the big machine starts to move around me. The first few days I needed to have x-ray pictures done to make sure I am lined up properly on the machine. Then the radiation starts.
To be honest, I don’t really know when it is happening versus when the machine is just moving and adjusting. Once the technicians come in and tell me it’s over I am able to move again. Otherwise I need to stay as still as I can.
The second day was similar to the first – although I was really uncomfortable while lying on the table and started shedding a few tears. The technicians helped me get as comfortable as I could and tried to speed things along.
Day 3 and 4 were really speedy. The whole treatment time only took about 10-15 minutes. But today was a different story.
I’m not sure if the two day’s rest over the weekend changed anything in my shoulder, or made them ache more, but today’s treatment was very uncomfortable. The technicians had a hard time lining me up properly and kept moving me to try and adjust my position.
As the time ticked by, I laid there and could feel tears brimming. I closed my eyes, hoping to fend them off, but it didn’t really work. I could hear the staff talking about how my one tattoo was almost too small to see and that maybe I should get re-tattooed. One technician asked me if it was okay if they re-did the tattoo after we were done today. I couldn’t answer. I could feel tears spilling out of my eyes and my voice could not make so much as a whisper.
The technicians asked me a few questions and I nodded or shook my head. I managed to eek out that I was trying to stay still and I was really sorry. They got my some tissue and told me I could put my arm down – we’d start again. The staff were really encouraging and trying to be helpful – they know that my shoulders really hurt from the positioning and try to be as quick as possible.
I managed to get the tears under control and said we could proceed – it was really hard to get my lined up and I needed 3 x-rays to get the position correct. The treatment session took an hour and I could see in the waiting room when I left that I had caused a bit of a backup in patients.
After the treatment today I had a check-in appointment with my Radiation Oncologist. The appointment was nothing exciting – but the doctor noticed right away that I seemed subdued and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was uncomfortable during the treatments and had a few issues with crying. He offered me a few ways to manage the pain but we decided for now to simply up my dose of ibuprofen – I was taking 1 before my treatment, now I am to try taking 3.
As for side-effects, so far I have a small inflammation on one of my scars from the surgery. My shoulders ache a lot and I wake up with my hands/fingers really aching in the mornings. It seems unlikely that that is from the radiation treatments, but I don’t really know for sure. I am told that other side-effects might not show up until 2 weeks after the first treatment.
5 treatments in, with 3 of them consisting of tears. Hopefully I can get that under control for the rest of the sessions. 23 left to go – target completion date: Feb 17.
On the first day I was given a hospital gown and a hospital housecoat to use during my treatment. I need to be naked from the waist up underneath my gown. I need to get changed in the change rooms at the centre before my set appointment, then wait in the waiting area for my specific machine. There are 5 machines at the cancer centre and are named The Lake, The Hills, The Park, Orchard, and The Beach. I am being treated on the Beach machine at the very end of the hall.
The room that houses the Beach machine is quite large with a medical table in the middle. There is a big machine that hovers around the table – the machine will move around you, but won’t touch you. Each day I go for treatment my settings for my scan will be set out on the table ready for me to lie in there and get placed in the same position each time. There is a cushion that goes under my legs, pressing up against my butt. There is a mold for my head/neck, and two for my left arm – one for the bicep, one for the hand. My left arm needs to be raised up behind my head to expose my side so it can receive treatment.
The first day I walked into the room and started crying. I’m not sure why I was upset – maybe the reality of it all had sunk in. I was able to compose myself and then laid on the table to get ready. The radiation technicians then try to line me up on the table in the exact position I had my CT scan in. My tattoos will help them position me where I need to be lined up.
There were three technicians setting me up and as they moved me around they would tell each other a variety of numbers. Often after hearing the number, another technician would say “I agree”. I guess they have to ensure I am in the correct spot before getting going.
The first day took about 30 minutes of lying on the table. The technicians came in and out of the room a few times to check things out. The lights are dimmed when I first lie on the table and there are green laser lights lining the table – think of the red motion sensor lights you often see that act as security surrounding valuables in the museums in the movies.
Once the technicians leave the room, the lights get turned on and the big machine starts to move around me. The first few days I needed to have x-ray pictures done to make sure I am lined up properly on the machine. Then the radiation starts.
To be honest, I don’t really know when it is happening versus when the machine is just moving and adjusting. Once the technicians come in and tell me it’s over I am able to move again. Otherwise I need to stay as still as I can.
The second day was similar to the first – although I was really uncomfortable while lying on the table and started shedding a few tears. The technicians helped me get as comfortable as I could and tried to speed things along.
Day 3 and 4 were really speedy. The whole treatment time only took about 10-15 minutes. But today was a different story.
I’m not sure if the two day’s rest over the weekend changed anything in my shoulder, or made them ache more, but today’s treatment was very uncomfortable. The technicians had a hard time lining me up properly and kept moving me to try and adjust my position.
As the time ticked by, I laid there and could feel tears brimming. I closed my eyes, hoping to fend them off, but it didn’t really work. I could hear the staff talking about how my one tattoo was almost too small to see and that maybe I should get re-tattooed. One technician asked me if it was okay if they re-did the tattoo after we were done today. I couldn’t answer. I could feel tears spilling out of my eyes and my voice could not make so much as a whisper.
The technicians asked me a few questions and I nodded or shook my head. I managed to eek out that I was trying to stay still and I was really sorry. They got my some tissue and told me I could put my arm down – we’d start again. The staff were really encouraging and trying to be helpful – they know that my shoulders really hurt from the positioning and try to be as quick as possible.
I managed to get the tears under control and said we could proceed – it was really hard to get my lined up and I needed 3 x-rays to get the position correct. The treatment session took an hour and I could see in the waiting room when I left that I had caused a bit of a backup in patients.
After the treatment today I had a check-in appointment with my Radiation Oncologist. The appointment was nothing exciting – but the doctor noticed right away that I seemed subdued and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was uncomfortable during the treatments and had a few issues with crying. He offered me a few ways to manage the pain but we decided for now to simply up my dose of ibuprofen – I was taking 1 before my treatment, now I am to try taking 3.
As for side-effects, so far I have a small inflammation on one of my scars from the surgery. My shoulders ache a lot and I wake up with my hands/fingers really aching in the mornings. It seems unlikely that that is from the radiation treatments, but I don’t really know for sure. I am told that other side-effects might not show up until 2 weeks after the first treatment.
5 treatments in, with 3 of them consisting of tears. Hopefully I can get that under control for the rest of the sessions. 23 left to go – target completion date: Feb 17.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Radiation scan (2 of 2)
I met with the radiation oncologist this week to discuss my upcoming treatment. We discussed my pathology report and what that meant in terms of my treatment. The Doc said that treatment is set at the outlay of diagnosis. While my body responded really well to both the chemo and the surgery, he said that doesn’t mean the treatments didn’t miss some microscopic parts of the cancer. We just simply can’t know.
He recommended that we proceed with radiation treatment of the left breast area as well as the lymph nodes in the area. I was concerned about treating the lymph nodes as I had read that it might increase the chances of getting lymphedema. The Doc said that the percentage of risk of lymphedema with radiation only increases by about 4%.
I really was hoping he would say something else in that appointment, but I really wasn’t expecting him too. Despite knowing that he would likely tell me to proceed, I still felt really emotional and upset. I cried in the appointment, and maybe it was because I was hoping that the treatment side of things would be over. But not just yet.
I then had to go into another room to get a CT scan for each radiation treatment. I was placed on a board that had a variety of molds for my body to rest on to try and make me comfortable. The more comfortable I am, the more likely I will be able to sit still during treatment.
The staff helped me get placed on the board and then I went through the CT scan. Then they got me ready for my first tattoo. Small dot tattoos are needed to ensure they get me in the correct position every time I go in for treatment. I need to have 4 in different parts of my chest.
I’m not happy about having these marks on my body. I choose not to have tattoos on my body up to this point. I have nothing against them, they just were not for me. But now I need to have 4. And these 4 symbolize this stupid disease and what I have had to endure. Definitely not something I would have chosen to permanently symbolize on my body.
But this will make the treatment the most effective so on we proceeded. I only received 2 tattoos this week and will get the other 2 for my first radiation treatment. The first tattoo is on my left side, near my armpit. That one felt like a pin prick and not too terrible. The second one is right near my sternum and that hurt! Not a lot of tissue there to take the brunt of the pain. But it was over quickly and now I have two small blue dots on my chest.
My treatments are scheduled to start on January 10th. I’ll have 5.5 weeks of going in every day, Monday –Friday. I will check in with the Radiation Oncologist every week to see how I am handling the treatment. Fingers are crossed that my body handles it fairly well. I am going to try to be active throughout the treatment and I hope my body cooperates.
Until my treatment starts, I likely won’t have much to write about so let me take this time to wish everyone a happy start to 2012. I hope 2011 brought you a lot of fun, love and happiness. Even though my 2011 was not my most fun year, I definitely am appreciative of all the love and support I was shown throughout the year and I feel very lucky and grateful. Happy New Year’s Eve!
He recommended that we proceed with radiation treatment of the left breast area as well as the lymph nodes in the area. I was concerned about treating the lymph nodes as I had read that it might increase the chances of getting lymphedema. The Doc said that the percentage of risk of lymphedema with radiation only increases by about 4%.
I really was hoping he would say something else in that appointment, but I really wasn’t expecting him too. Despite knowing that he would likely tell me to proceed, I still felt really emotional and upset. I cried in the appointment, and maybe it was because I was hoping that the treatment side of things would be over. But not just yet.
I then had to go into another room to get a CT scan for each radiation treatment. I was placed on a board that had a variety of molds for my body to rest on to try and make me comfortable. The more comfortable I am, the more likely I will be able to sit still during treatment.
The staff helped me get placed on the board and then I went through the CT scan. Then they got me ready for my first tattoo. Small dot tattoos are needed to ensure they get me in the correct position every time I go in for treatment. I need to have 4 in different parts of my chest.
I’m not happy about having these marks on my body. I choose not to have tattoos on my body up to this point. I have nothing against them, they just were not for me. But now I need to have 4. And these 4 symbolize this stupid disease and what I have had to endure. Definitely not something I would have chosen to permanently symbolize on my body.
But this will make the treatment the most effective so on we proceeded. I only received 2 tattoos this week and will get the other 2 for my first radiation treatment. The first tattoo is on my left side, near my armpit. That one felt like a pin prick and not too terrible. The second one is right near my sternum and that hurt! Not a lot of tissue there to take the brunt of the pain. But it was over quickly and now I have two small blue dots on my chest.
My treatments are scheduled to start on January 10th. I’ll have 5.5 weeks of going in every day, Monday –Friday. I will check in with the Radiation Oncologist every week to see how I am handling the treatment. Fingers are crossed that my body handles it fairly well. I am going to try to be active throughout the treatment and I hope my body cooperates.
Until my treatment starts, I likely won’t have much to write about so let me take this time to wish everyone a happy start to 2012. I hope 2011 brought you a lot of fun, love and happiness. Even though my 2011 was not my most fun year, I definitely am appreciative of all the love and support I was shown throughout the year and I feel very lucky and grateful. Happy New Year’s Eve!
Fill ups (1 of 2)
It was arranged so that I could get my tissue expanders filled up in Kelowna so that I didn’t have to travel to Vancouver so much. The plastic surgeon’s office in Kelowna was where the reconstruction group meetings are held so I was familiar with the head nurse who runs the group. She is so wonderful - really nice and caring and so helpful.
I met with both the nurse and the Plastic Surgeon in Kelowna and we set out a fill up schedule of 100cc once each week until my radiation appointment on Dec 29th. That meant 2 fill ups in two weeks. It was a pretty aggressive schedule and not how they normally like to expand the tissue expander. The aggressive schedule wouldn’t hurt the expansion process, it just might hurt more. The nurse was concerned that it would be really uncomfortable for me, but I wanted to ensure I was ‘filled-up’ before my radiation appointment so I said we should proceed.
The first fill up went fairly well. My body definitely has looked different after every fill up. For this fill up, I noticed a curve on my chest as a ‘normal’ breast would have. I was a bit uncomfortable during the week and had to take ibuprofen to manage the pain. The pain was mostly pressure on my chest, aching in my shoulder, and then some muscle pain in my back.
My last fill up was a bit more uncomfortable – the last 5cc put a lot of pressure on my chest and I had to focus on breathing. But we got it all in there! I have been on ibuprofen since then, but every day seems to get a little easier.
My chest looks….well, different. The tissue expander is round and does look like a normal breast – well normal and very perky! The big difference between the two sides of my chest is the location of each breast. The right side is where a breast would normally sit. The left side (with the tissue expander) sits really high on my chest – almost where the top of your breast bone meets your shoulder.
So while I might be even, I’m definitely lopsided. But for now that’s alright – the fill up process is now complete!
I met with both the nurse and the Plastic Surgeon in Kelowna and we set out a fill up schedule of 100cc once each week until my radiation appointment on Dec 29th. That meant 2 fill ups in two weeks. It was a pretty aggressive schedule and not how they normally like to expand the tissue expander. The aggressive schedule wouldn’t hurt the expansion process, it just might hurt more. The nurse was concerned that it would be really uncomfortable for me, but I wanted to ensure I was ‘filled-up’ before my radiation appointment so I said we should proceed.
The first fill up went fairly well. My body definitely has looked different after every fill up. For this fill up, I noticed a curve on my chest as a ‘normal’ breast would have. I was a bit uncomfortable during the week and had to take ibuprofen to manage the pain. The pain was mostly pressure on my chest, aching in my shoulder, and then some muscle pain in my back.
My last fill up was a bit more uncomfortable – the last 5cc put a lot of pressure on my chest and I had to focus on breathing. But we got it all in there! I have been on ibuprofen since then, but every day seems to get a little easier.
My chest looks….well, different. The tissue expander is round and does look like a normal breast – well normal and very perky! The big difference between the two sides of my chest is the location of each breast. The right side is where a breast would normally sit. The left side (with the tissue expander) sits really high on my chest – almost where the top of your breast bone meets your shoulder.
So while I might be even, I’m definitely lopsided. But for now that’s alright – the fill up process is now complete!
Monday, 19 December 2011
The Results are in
I headed to Vancouver last week to see my PSurg. I needed to get my stitches out and also get my first “fill-up”. I was eligible to fly there through this non-profit organization called Hope Air. They fly people to and from medical appointments as needed. It’s a great organization so if you hear of a fundraiser for them or simply feel like donating to a worthy cause, please consider this group.
My PSurg was really happy with how I was healing. She said that everything looked great. She removed my bandages and then started to take out my stitches. I had a dissolvable stitch running underneath each breast and then a set of stitches surrounding my right areola and up my left chest. Not the most pleasant thing to remove, but again, my pain scale just remembers to when I woke up from surgery and nothing really seems that bad anymore.
My PSurg then went and got some saline to fill up my expander. The syringe was nearly a foot long and the needle was about 2 inches long…yikes! All I kept thinking of was that scene from Pulp Fiction where Uma gets stabbed in the heart with a shot of adrenaline. I decided to look the other way.
The first 100cc went in really easily, so the PSurg got another 50cc. She wanted to be aggressive on my fill-ups to ensure I have a decent size before my radiation. After looking at the new size with the 150cc, she figured I could get filled-up once per week in Kelowna, and maybe be done before the new year!
She then put paper tape on my incisions to minimize scarring. Vitamin E is thought to widen scars so she said wearing this tape is the best thing for helping with healing.
Turns out, my pathology report had come in as well so my PSurg called over to my Surgeon to see if there was any time she could see me before I left for home. Luckily she could squeeze me in before her first surgery of the next morning! My PSurg handed me a copy of the report and told me to bring it with me. While I could understand most of the words on the report, making sense of what it meant was a whole new ball game. Good thing the Surgeon could see me to explain!
My Aunt and I then headed over to meet my uncles and my cousin for dinner. It was really awesome to see everyone and have what felt like a normal dinner conversation. We caught up with what was going on and only minimally talked about my health – sometimes it’s really nice to not talk about what is happening with me and instead focus on what is happening with other people.
The next morning we were up super early to head in to see my Surgeon. My Aunt was a trooper and kindly took me to the hospital during early morning Vancouver rush-hour. We arrived early and it was lucky we did – my Surgeon’s first operation of the day was moved up!
My Surgeon came around the corner with a big smile and told me I was looking really great – I guess compared to the last time I saw her (630am the day after my surgery) anything would have been a little better ! She took me into a room to examine me and said that things looked really great. She was happy with how everything turned out and told me I’d be a “work of art” when everything was finished.
She then went over the pathology report with me. The tissue they removed had two remaining tumors. This is not surprising as sometimes masses start ‘in-situ’ (in the ducts) and the ducts protect the tumor from a lot of the chemo.
When they remove tumors, they look to get a ring of healthy tissue surrounding the mass, to ensure they got it all. Protocol calls for .2cm. They were able to get 1.1cm with my mastectomy! This is great news as it means the tumors likely had no chance to spread into the surrounding tissue in my chest wall.
The report also highlighted that there was no cancer involvement in the skin or the nipple. Again, great news! My tumors were analyzed and downgraded to a grade 1. Again, great news! (In the cancer-world, the lower the numbers, the better).
Finally the report highlighted the lymph nodes that were removed during my surgery. Out of the 4 that the Surgeon took out, zero showed cancerous infection. That’s right, ZERO. My cancer did not get a chance to spread!
My Surgeon told me to talk to my Radiation Oncologist and see how he wanted to proceed with treatment, given my pathology report. She suggested that radiation is still likely in the cards for me, but to ask to be sure.
She also talked to me about potentially going back to school in May. She said that she thought it was definitely possible – I could always wait to have the final implant surgery. Some people have tissue expanders in for quite some time, so I don’t need to worry about that. I need to wait and see a little bit, but things are looking okay on the school front!
I went out to see my Aunt in the waiting room and I couldn’t even talk. She looked at me with a sort of excited curiosity and all I could do was nod my head. She had this huge smile on her face and gave me a big hug and I started crying (of course….seriously, can I go one blog post without shedding some tears??? Haha). I told her the news and we both were so smiley after that.
I really didn’t realize how much the results were weighing on me, until I heard the news. It honestly felt like20lbs had been lifted from my shoulders and chest. I felt better than I had in months!
So there you have it - Great results from the great team of people who have been taking care of me. One more treatment type to go!
My PSurg was really happy with how I was healing. She said that everything looked great. She removed my bandages and then started to take out my stitches. I had a dissolvable stitch running underneath each breast and then a set of stitches surrounding my right areola and up my left chest. Not the most pleasant thing to remove, but again, my pain scale just remembers to when I woke up from surgery and nothing really seems that bad anymore.
My PSurg then went and got some saline to fill up my expander. The syringe was nearly a foot long and the needle was about 2 inches long…yikes! All I kept thinking of was that scene from Pulp Fiction where Uma gets stabbed in the heart with a shot of adrenaline. I decided to look the other way.
The first 100cc went in really easily, so the PSurg got another 50cc. She wanted to be aggressive on my fill-ups to ensure I have a decent size before my radiation. After looking at the new size with the 150cc, she figured I could get filled-up once per week in Kelowna, and maybe be done before the new year!
She then put paper tape on my incisions to minimize scarring. Vitamin E is thought to widen scars so she said wearing this tape is the best thing for helping with healing.
Turns out, my pathology report had come in as well so my PSurg called over to my Surgeon to see if there was any time she could see me before I left for home. Luckily she could squeeze me in before her first surgery of the next morning! My PSurg handed me a copy of the report and told me to bring it with me. While I could understand most of the words on the report, making sense of what it meant was a whole new ball game. Good thing the Surgeon could see me to explain!
My Aunt and I then headed over to meet my uncles and my cousin for dinner. It was really awesome to see everyone and have what felt like a normal dinner conversation. We caught up with what was going on and only minimally talked about my health – sometimes it’s really nice to not talk about what is happening with me and instead focus on what is happening with other people.
The next morning we were up super early to head in to see my Surgeon. My Aunt was a trooper and kindly took me to the hospital during early morning Vancouver rush-hour. We arrived early and it was lucky we did – my Surgeon’s first operation of the day was moved up!
My Surgeon came around the corner with a big smile and told me I was looking really great – I guess compared to the last time I saw her (630am the day after my surgery) anything would have been a little better ! She took me into a room to examine me and said that things looked really great. She was happy with how everything turned out and told me I’d be a “work of art” when everything was finished.
She then went over the pathology report with me. The tissue they removed had two remaining tumors. This is not surprising as sometimes masses start ‘in-situ’ (in the ducts) and the ducts protect the tumor from a lot of the chemo.
When they remove tumors, they look to get a ring of healthy tissue surrounding the mass, to ensure they got it all. Protocol calls for .2cm. They were able to get 1.1cm with my mastectomy! This is great news as it means the tumors likely had no chance to spread into the surrounding tissue in my chest wall.
The report also highlighted that there was no cancer involvement in the skin or the nipple. Again, great news! My tumors were analyzed and downgraded to a grade 1. Again, great news! (In the cancer-world, the lower the numbers, the better).
Finally the report highlighted the lymph nodes that were removed during my surgery. Out of the 4 that the Surgeon took out, zero showed cancerous infection. That’s right, ZERO. My cancer did not get a chance to spread!
My Surgeon told me to talk to my Radiation Oncologist and see how he wanted to proceed with treatment, given my pathology report. She suggested that radiation is still likely in the cards for me, but to ask to be sure.
She also talked to me about potentially going back to school in May. She said that she thought it was definitely possible – I could always wait to have the final implant surgery. Some people have tissue expanders in for quite some time, so I don’t need to worry about that. I need to wait and see a little bit, but things are looking okay on the school front!
I went out to see my Aunt in the waiting room and I couldn’t even talk. She looked at me with a sort of excited curiosity and all I could do was nod my head. She had this huge smile on her face and gave me a big hug and I started crying (of course….seriously, can I go one blog post without shedding some tears??? Haha). I told her the news and we both were so smiley after that.
I really didn’t realize how much the results were weighing on me, until I heard the news. It honestly felt like20lbs had been lifted from my shoulders and chest. I felt better than I had in months!
So there you have it - Great results from the great team of people who have been taking care of me. One more treatment type to go!
Friday, 9 December 2011
Dates
10 days into being home and I’m feeling a lot better. There are still times where I am in a lot of pain and really uncomfortable, but the pain isn’t nearly as bad as when I first woke up from surgery. Once you experience that type of pain it is hard to think that any other pain you experience is anything more than a little owie.
I attended this Breast Surgery Recovery group the day after I got home from Vancouver. A physiotherapist came and talked about the importance of exercise after surgery. She showed us some exercises and gave us her cards to come see her if we needed physio. I spoke with her and explained that I had been in the hospital in Vancouver, so was I still able to use her services at the Kelowna hospital – no problem!
I’ve now attended 3 sessions of physio with Dianna and my range of motion is definitely improving. My shoulder and chest have been aching a little more so she said not to push my at-home exercises as it is still pretty early. But things are looking good and perhaps in the New Year I can start doing some resistance training (ie pushing, pulling, lifting). For now I am limited with the left side to just stretching and range of motion activities.
The physio sessions are conducted in the hospital in a specialized area. There are pieces of exercise equipment everywhere and lots of people doing different exercises for different injuries/surgeries. The first day I arrived, I saw an older woman doing some arm exercises using a ball. Another woman was using the arm-bike. I don’t know how, but just by looking at them, I knew they were there for the same thing as me.
While on my table, I realized each of the women was on either side of me behind their own curtains on their own tables. I was lying there on the heat packs and couldn’t help but overhear their conversations with their physiotherapists. Both women were asked specifics of their surgeries, cancer diagnosis, etc. And while overhearing these conversations I realized something - once you have been diagnosed with an illness, dates start to become permanently embedded in your mind.
For example, there was a woman in one of the information sessions I attended and her hair was long enough to cover her head, but not long enough to have been a haircut. I asked her when her hair started growing back. She didn’t answer “Oh about 2 months ago” or “around the start of the fall”. She answered “My last chemo treatment was Aug 30th so after that.”
Same with the women in the physio department of the hospital – ‘when was your surgery’ gets answered with “I was diagnosed on September 29th and had surgery Oct 15th” or “Oct 29th was my surgery and I start my first chemo on January 6th”.
These dates stick with you. Normally I’ve been pretty decent at remembering dates – sure I’ll forget the occasional special occasion or a birthday will sneak up on me, but that happens to everyone. But you ask me anything about my cancer diagnosis and I can rattle off dates like a textbook. Even with my ‘chemo brain’ I can still tell you all my cancer diagnosis/treatment dates with precision.
Part of me hates that this has been embedded into my memory, taking up valuable space that could be used for other fun memories. But part of me knows that this is not just something I can forget – as much as I want to just get this treatment done with and push on.
But part of me also knows that dates are good for other things too – like celebrations! So if nothing else, maybe these newly embedded dates in my mind will give me cause to celebrate a few more times throughout the year :)
I attended this Breast Surgery Recovery group the day after I got home from Vancouver. A physiotherapist came and talked about the importance of exercise after surgery. She showed us some exercises and gave us her cards to come see her if we needed physio. I spoke with her and explained that I had been in the hospital in Vancouver, so was I still able to use her services at the Kelowna hospital – no problem!
I’ve now attended 3 sessions of physio with Dianna and my range of motion is definitely improving. My shoulder and chest have been aching a little more so she said not to push my at-home exercises as it is still pretty early. But things are looking good and perhaps in the New Year I can start doing some resistance training (ie pushing, pulling, lifting). For now I am limited with the left side to just stretching and range of motion activities.
The physio sessions are conducted in the hospital in a specialized area. There are pieces of exercise equipment everywhere and lots of people doing different exercises for different injuries/surgeries. The first day I arrived, I saw an older woman doing some arm exercises using a ball. Another woman was using the arm-bike. I don’t know how, but just by looking at them, I knew they were there for the same thing as me.
While on my table, I realized each of the women was on either side of me behind their own curtains on their own tables. I was lying there on the heat packs and couldn’t help but overhear their conversations with their physiotherapists. Both women were asked specifics of their surgeries, cancer diagnosis, etc. And while overhearing these conversations I realized something - once you have been diagnosed with an illness, dates start to become permanently embedded in your mind.
For example, there was a woman in one of the information sessions I attended and her hair was long enough to cover her head, but not long enough to have been a haircut. I asked her when her hair started growing back. She didn’t answer “Oh about 2 months ago” or “around the start of the fall”. She answered “My last chemo treatment was Aug 30th so after that.”
Same with the women in the physio department of the hospital – ‘when was your surgery’ gets answered with “I was diagnosed on September 29th and had surgery Oct 15th” or “Oct 29th was my surgery and I start my first chemo on January 6th”.
These dates stick with you. Normally I’ve been pretty decent at remembering dates – sure I’ll forget the occasional special occasion or a birthday will sneak up on me, but that happens to everyone. But you ask me anything about my cancer diagnosis and I can rattle off dates like a textbook. Even with my ‘chemo brain’ I can still tell you all my cancer diagnosis/treatment dates with precision.
Part of me hates that this has been embedded into my memory, taking up valuable space that could be used for other fun memories. But part of me knows that this is not just something I can forget – as much as I want to just get this treatment done with and push on.
But part of me also knows that dates are good for other things too – like celebrations! So if nothing else, maybe these newly embedded dates in my mind will give me cause to celebrate a few more times throughout the year :)
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Recovery (4 of 4)
I spent nearly a week at my Uncle’s in Vancouver starting the process of recovery from my surgery. I had lots of people come and visit which was awesome. I slept a lot. I slowly started getting a bit more mobile and able to do a few more things.
You don’t realize how much energy it requires to do most daily tasks are until you have limited mobility. Then everything seems to be a struggle. Getting dressed required another set of hands. Sitting up required a hand pushing me on my back. Everything had to be handed to me, as opposed to me reaching for it.
Both Cayley and my Dad were, and continue to be, awesome. I had lots of help, but boy was it frustrating.
Dealing with a drain is never fun either. It gets in the way, you have to empty it at least once a day, and you fear that you will accidentally rip it out.
Things also hurt a lot at times. I won’t try and be tough and tell you it wasn’t that bad – it was. There were times that this screaming pain ripped across my left chest, almost in the area of where my nipple should be to my back, and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d wince, try to remember to breath, and just wait until the pain subsided. It was never for a long period of time, but when it came, holy it hurt.
I went in to see my PSurg on Monday so she could take off my bandages and remove my drain. My friend came with me and Cayley wouldn’t leave the room – no matter how much I said I didn’t want him to see, he insisted that he’d get to see anyways – plus “I’m the one who is taking care of you so I have to know what to do.” Even when he doesn’t do what I want, I still can’t help but immensely love this man.
The PSurg removed my bandage that went across my chest, down my sides and across my belly. I thought it might pull a little, but I was not expecting the serious pain that came with it. She said they had to come off and there was no easy way to do it, but wowzers! Bits of my skin came off with the bandage, but it needed to be on tightly so I guess that’s sometimes the outcome.
I didn’t get a tonne of time to take in what it looked like, because next up was removing the drain. She said this would hurt but I was thinking it would just be more uncomfortable. The thought of removing the drain gave me the heebie-jeebies, but I figured it wouldn’t be all that painful. Wrong. My friend held my hand and kept reminding me to breathe. Thankfully it was over fairly quickly – and to be honest, in comparison to hassle of the drain, that few minutes of pain was okay if it meant it could come out!
The PSurg said everything looked great and that I could go home and to come back in two weeks to get the stitches removed and get my first official ‘fill-up’ for the expander. (she had filled up the expander a bit during surgery, but not too much).
I’m home now and fairing alright. I’m in pain a lot, I have a really hard time sleeping, and moving my one arm is still a big challenge. It’s slowly getting better every day, but it’s still not at a point where I can do much on my own. I am not allowed to drive for a least another week – so I am basically homebound until someone can chauffer me around.
How does it look? Well weird. My right breast is lifted, but there are still lots of bandages around it. My left breast is gone, in its place a smooth lump with some bandages. To top it off, my eyes are tired so I look like a raccoon. And I still have no eyebrows/eyelashes and am bald, so that doesn’t help either. Of course Cayley tells me I am still beautiful to him – hmmm, maybe he needs some glasses for Christmas! Haha But I do think this will take some getting used to. To be honest, I’m not as shocked by it as I thought I would be – and I seem to be handling it okay.
But another big step mostly done and now just need to rest and make sure to do my physio exercises to get back my range of motion and then I should be good to go for the next step. Man this feels like it is taking forever.
You don’t realize how much energy it requires to do most daily tasks are until you have limited mobility. Then everything seems to be a struggle. Getting dressed required another set of hands. Sitting up required a hand pushing me on my back. Everything had to be handed to me, as opposed to me reaching for it.
Both Cayley and my Dad were, and continue to be, awesome. I had lots of help, but boy was it frustrating.
Dealing with a drain is never fun either. It gets in the way, you have to empty it at least once a day, and you fear that you will accidentally rip it out.
Things also hurt a lot at times. I won’t try and be tough and tell you it wasn’t that bad – it was. There were times that this screaming pain ripped across my left chest, almost in the area of where my nipple should be to my back, and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d wince, try to remember to breath, and just wait until the pain subsided. It was never for a long period of time, but when it came, holy it hurt.
I went in to see my PSurg on Monday so she could take off my bandages and remove my drain. My friend came with me and Cayley wouldn’t leave the room – no matter how much I said I didn’t want him to see, he insisted that he’d get to see anyways – plus “I’m the one who is taking care of you so I have to know what to do.” Even when he doesn’t do what I want, I still can’t help but immensely love this man.
The PSurg removed my bandage that went across my chest, down my sides and across my belly. I thought it might pull a little, but I was not expecting the serious pain that came with it. She said they had to come off and there was no easy way to do it, but wowzers! Bits of my skin came off with the bandage, but it needed to be on tightly so I guess that’s sometimes the outcome.
I didn’t get a tonne of time to take in what it looked like, because next up was removing the drain. She said this would hurt but I was thinking it would just be more uncomfortable. The thought of removing the drain gave me the heebie-jeebies, but I figured it wouldn’t be all that painful. Wrong. My friend held my hand and kept reminding me to breathe. Thankfully it was over fairly quickly – and to be honest, in comparison to hassle of the drain, that few minutes of pain was okay if it meant it could come out!
The PSurg said everything looked great and that I could go home and to come back in two weeks to get the stitches removed and get my first official ‘fill-up’ for the expander. (she had filled up the expander a bit during surgery, but not too much).
I’m home now and fairing alright. I’m in pain a lot, I have a really hard time sleeping, and moving my one arm is still a big challenge. It’s slowly getting better every day, but it’s still not at a point where I can do much on my own. I am not allowed to drive for a least another week – so I am basically homebound until someone can chauffer me around.
How does it look? Well weird. My right breast is lifted, but there are still lots of bandages around it. My left breast is gone, in its place a smooth lump with some bandages. To top it off, my eyes are tired so I look like a raccoon. And I still have no eyebrows/eyelashes and am bald, so that doesn’t help either. Of course Cayley tells me I am still beautiful to him – hmmm, maybe he needs some glasses for Christmas! Haha But I do think this will take some getting used to. To be honest, I’m not as shocked by it as I thought I would be – and I seem to be handling it okay.
But another big step mostly done and now just need to rest and make sure to do my physio exercises to get back my range of motion and then I should be good to go for the next step. Man this feels like it is taking forever.
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