The Half Way Point

Yesterday marked treatment #14, exactly half way through the whole radiation process. I haven’t written in a while because of a few reasons:

#1 – really there is nothing exciting to say – my shoulders hurt, my hands are numb/tingly, we aren’t done the extremely hard puzzle in the waiting room of the treatment centre, etc

#2 – with having to be at the centre every M-F, and trying to balance other things like errands, work, rest, I honestly feel like I have no time to do much of anything.

But I do realize that while maybe to me this has become a really difficult routine, it has also made me a bit withdrawn. I don’t reach out to chat to people as often as I normally do. Some of that has to do with feeling like I have no time, but other times I just feel miserable and the last thing I would want to do is call/email someone and be like “hey, things suck, I’m miserable and that’s all I have to say”. I hate being negative like that. I really try to be positive even when it's extremely difficult to do so.

Radiation has been no picnic. It’s really hard to talk to people about it at times…everyone assumes that because you can’t feel the radiation beam, that it’s “easy” or a “breeze” compared to everything else.

Well it’s not. No, it doesn’t really hurt during the treatment, but my shoulders are in a lot of pain. My skin is starting to get red and itchy. I have to be really careful with lotions and soaps as to not further irritate the area. And I’m tired…I can almost feel when my battery is draining and I feel like a kid’s toy winding down fast due to no energy.

Maybe if I had done radiation first, before my body started hating me for all the chemo, before I had my tissue and muscles and skin altered from surgery, it would be a lot easier. However, this is the way it is for me, and I have to just suck it up and deal with it.

On the positive side of things, the last week of radiation has gone by fairly well. I had to have a new CT scan done last Friday to try and put me in a more comfortable position. The first few treatments were similar and uncomfortable, but the ones on Thursday and Friday were much faster and much better.

With treatment every day, time seems to go by very quickly. On Friday I had an appointment with my medical oncologist, my first in 3 months. The staff in her office are so encouraging – saying I looked really great and not sick any more. They also weighed me – standard procedure – and I was down 16 lbs from my last chemo weigh-in! Woo hoo! This means I’m about 5ish lbs away from ‘normal’ weight.

The Doc is a bit puzzled about the numbness in my hands, so she is going to send me for a nerve conductivity test just to rule out anything strange. She figures it’s a leftover side effect from the chemo but it is a bit weird that it is this late in coming. So I am on a new medication to try and control the pain. Apparently nerve damage can take 1-2 years to repair, so hopefully this medication helps in the meantime.

So at the ½ way point, I’m feeling pretty good about things. 14 treatments left in the next 3 weeks and that does not seem like much time at all. On Tuesday I will also be over the hump for Herceptin treatments as well – 9 down, 8 to go. As I celebrate my birthday I keep thinking that I’m almost done the major treatment stuff… and that just might be the best birthday present yet!