One week to go

I wanted to write earlier and announce that I was into the single digits for treatment or other slightly less boring news, but as often happens to me these days, I just can’t find the time, nor energy to write in my blog. It’s not that I am so drained I don’t have energy for anything – but I really do feel that with going to the cancer centre every day, plus trying to work, get errands done, and live a normalish lifestyle, there is not much time for anything else.

Yesterday I had a really bad day, so I decided to take the morning off from everything and write a few thoughts on here. So let me get you up to speed:

I’m down to only 5 treatments left – exactly one week today, at around 930am, I will be done the radiation portion of my treatment plan. I don’t have treatment today as the machine has its scheduled maintenance day, so I get a bit of a long weekend.

How do I feel about being close to the end? For the most part, excellent. No more going to the centre every day, trying to find parking, putting on a gown and waiting for my turn. No more wondering if it will take 15 minutes or an hour to be done my session. All in all, I will be very happy this next part is over.

However, I’d be lying if I said I was completely stoked to be done – there is this small part of me that is a bit concerned.

When you are sick and you have to go to the hospital every day, you take small comfort in the fact that if anything new is wrong, it will be less than 24 hours before you see doctors, nurses, technicians and other experienced staff who have seen many people like you before. A casual mention of “hey, I have this new spot on my neck, is that common?” can instantly put you at ease, or put you into a plan to treat that side effect.

Other times, it’s the professionals who notice something – “Hmmm Aidan, you have a bit of a mark on your skin, let’s just check that out to be sure.” My safety net of many nurses, doctors, technicians, etc checking me out every day will be gone.

In all honesty, it’s not hard to go to the centre or call them and wait to see someone. And I’m 99% happy to be done with radiation. But there is that little 1% of me that wonders if I will be as good as the staff at spotting new/different things going on with me. How careful and observant will I have to be? In going to the centre, every day I feel like I am doing something towards making me healthy – will not going there leave a void? Leave me feeling like I am doing nothing to help my health?

Anyways, these are just some of the questions that float through my mind at times. Don’t get me wrong, I will be happy to be done this part of my treatment – very happy. But it’s hard to not wonder – what’s next?